A second chance at love
by stephenie-inspired-novelwriter
Summary: Sometimes love isn't enough. When Edward's overprotective control is the death of their relationship, Bella must find a way to move on with her life. Everyone deserves a second chance at love. Rated M for future lemons. Bella/Jasper
1. The beginning

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

"I'm sorry, Edward." I told him, gently. I still loved him; would always love him, and I didn't want to hurt him, but it would never be the same between us. "I just can't be with you anymore… not like that." I watched as his face fell in defeat. He knew I was right. He knew there was nothing he could do to change the way I felt. He looked broken and it killed me to know I made him that way, but he had brought it upon himself, and as much as I wanted to take him in my arms, to forgive him all his faults and tell him everything would be alright, I knew that I couldn't. I owed myself better than that. I deserved more than to live a ghost of a life simply because I didn't want to hurt him.

He had pushed me down too hard for too long in the name of keeping me safe. What good was living if you couldn't really _live_? It started out simply enough. It was frustrating, yes – even infuriating at times – but it was at least reasonable then. The threats were real; the dangers tangible ones. As time went by he had become more and more careful with me – keeping me away from first Jasper, and then Jacob, then even Mike Newton. Soon, it seemed that I couldn't be around anyone anymore.

It became apparent that _no one_ was safe enough to be around me, and it wasn't long before no _place _was safe; no _activity _was safe enough. Apparently, even Edward himself wasn't safe enough. First he left me to keep me safe, then he came back, but he was afraid to get too close to me. I had babysitters twenty four hours a day, now.

I had reached the point where it seemed all I did was to sit in a room under constant supervision. The woods could have vampires. His house was forbidden because Jasper was unpredictable, Rosalie hated me and might decide to attack me, Emmett might not know his own strength. I couldn't drive because my reflexes weren't good enough and I might crash the truck.

He had changed his entire schedule at school to share all my classes so that he could be there to protect me from others, or even from myself; after all, I was clumsy. Who knew what might happen to me. If he couldn't be with me at school, Alice was there, but only as a last resort. He was wary of my spending too much time with her alone. I was hell bent on becoming a vampire, and she had seen it; had seen me happy in her vision. He worried she might decide to take matters into her own hands.

When he had to hunt he had no choice but to leave me, but someone was always there - sometimes Alice, sometimes Esme, but usually Carlisle. He had the best control, after all, and would never change me against Edward's wishes unless I was dying and nothing else could be done.

Truthfully, I knew I should have left him a long time ago. I had more respect for myself than to be treated this way. I had no excuse for having stayed this long; for giving him so many chances. It was hard to think of leaving him, though. I loved him deeply and desperately clung to my hope that one day he would see the light and agree to change me. I knew if I were a vampire the insanity would stop. He truly loved me and wouldn't treat me this way simply to make me miserable. He did it because he genuinely believed it was the only way to keep me safe.

Maybe he had been right. I _was_ a danger magnet. Anything that could go wrong, went wrong. People and vampires attacked me, I fell in love with a vampire before becoming friends with a werewolf, and I had quite the habit of injuring myself against all reasonable odds. I needed frequent ER miles. The thing was, though… he was never going to change me, and this was only going to get worse. Every time he decided there was a new danger he would restrict me just a little further until he had crushed the life from me completely.

"Please, Bella…" he pleaded, but he could see that my mind was made up. This was over. We were over. "Don't do this. We were meant to be together. I love you."

"I'm sorry." I responded, numbly "You're right. We _were_ meant to be together, and I know that you love me. I love you, too. I hate hurting you. I'm sorry that you couldn't trust me enough to let me live or love me enough to let me die, but I can't live like this anymore."

Brushing his cheek lightly, my heartbroken expression matching his, I walked away from the only man I had ever loved; I walked away from my life, my past, my present, and my hopes for the future, leaving them behind me in the overcast loneliness of the forest.

It didn't escape me how this experience mirrored the one I had lived through long ago when Edward had left me. It was an odd sense of déjà vu, this ending amongst the trees. I was leaving him to heartache this time, but it was still his doing, and it still hurt. I wasn't sure how it was possible for me to pick up the pieces of my life and go on, especially since so many of the pieces had been lost to me, many of them possibly forever.

Jacob would never speak to me again; of that I was certain. He had been there to draw me out of the abyss of lonely despair that I had fallen into when Edward left me, and when Edward reappeared I had let him back into my life. That, in itself, had been a betrayal, but we had been mostly okay; we were working it out. When Edward had decided that Jacob couldn't be trusted at all, forbidding me to see him anymore, or even to go to La Push, I had agreed, reluctantly, to abide by his mandate, which like all the others came in the form of a desperate plea, but in truth was an ultimatum, and for that, Jacob would never forgive me.

I had always believed I was lucky to have Edward, that he was too good for me. I had always been afraid that one day he would wake up and realize how ordinary I was and he would be lost to me forever. Since the moment he had abandoned me in the forest, I knew it to be true. One day I would lose him. During the time following our reunion in Italy, I had lived in constant terror of losing him, and I had conceded every point, had abided by every restriction in order to keep him near me.

My friends from school had been lost to me. I had been isolated from some, drifted away from others as their place in my life was taken by Edward and as I was less and less able to interact with them outside of school. Humans in general were intimidated by vampires and because I was always with at least one, they had developed the habit of avoiding me, making new acquaintances and friends and finding a new place to sit at lunch. I had been replaced, and for most of them, I doubted there was a place for me now.

I wasn't sure what to think about the Cullens. I loved all of them, though admittedly I loved some more than others. Carlisle was a second father to me - in many ways, a first. I loved Charlie with all my heart, but he had never been terribly attentive - and Carlisle loved me, too. Esme was my mother, more so even than Renee had been. She treated me as her daughter from day one and loved me as much as I loved her. Alice was my best friend, and though I hadn't been able to see as much of her, I knew she loved me, too. Emmett was the big brother I never had, but always wanted. He loved me as his little sister, accepting me unconditionally from the beginning and I loved him fiercely.

Rosalie hated me. That may have been too strong a word, but she certainly resented me at the very least. I had always marveled at her strength and had a lot of respect for her and the way that she had overcome her past. I had a high regard for the way she fought so fiercely to protect the ones she loved and I could appreciate the reason that she had resented my choices. I had always hoped that she and I would be friends and sisters. She was really a lot more like me than anyone else could see. They looked at the differences, but we both had strong opinions, morals, loyalty, strength, and the ability to truly see people.

I had never really gotten to know Jasper very well. The family had all done what they could to keep him away from me from the start. I had never understood their reason for it. He harbored no ill will toward me and would never hurt me willingly. His control was the problem, they had told me, but there were enough of them there to protect me that it really hadn't been necessary for them to keep us apart. I forgave him for what had happened on my birthday the instant it happened. It had been instinct – nothing more. I had always mourned the loss of Jasper. I loved the Cullens so dearly and I knew in my heart that I would have loved him, too, if they had given us the chance to know each other.

I had always admired him and had been in awe of him – of his knowledge and experience, his love of history and books, and of the way he took it upon himself to hold his family together, even though he hadn't chosen them or this life, even though it hurt him, even though he struggled the most and was trusted the least. I had always wished for the chance to know him. I believed if he were around me more, he would become desensitized, not only to me, but to humans in general, and that his control would improve over time until he was no longer a threat to me. Edward had managed it, after all, and my blood was more potent to him than to any of them. He had drunk from me and stopped – surely Jasper could have succeeded in being in the same room with me.

Now that Edward and I were over, I wasn't sure I would be able to salvage any kind of relationship with his family. They _were_ my family – when Edward was my soulmate - now what were they? They were _his_ family now. My breath was stolen from me and my vision blurred at the anticipated loss of my dearly loved family. My chest ached as I sunk to my knees on the dampened forest floor. I was alone in the world, and alone, the world had become a dark, dark place.

**I hope you're liking the story so far. I have no idea where it's going, so I hope you'll come along for the ride with me. It's just the way I write. I never know what will happen from one line to the next. She will end up with Jasper… I kinda have a crush on him. PLEASE review. It keeps me going. Even if you just say LOVE IT or HATE IT. If you have time, I would like to know:**

**I like it because…**

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	2. Alone again

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

I wasn't sure now that I wanted to live. It didn't seem like I had much left to live for. I was going to be a vampire. I had a family. I had true love. I had friends and best friends. I had a future that I could look forward to with absolute joy. Now what did I have? It was gone. All gone. I had school, but had given up any idea of what to do with my education, knowing I wouldn't need it. I had Charlie, but I hardly knew him, and had long since let him go, knowing I wouldn't see him again once I was changed.

I don't know how long I stayed there sobbing amongst the trees. The sky had darkened, the ground I lay upon was sopping wet as the rain poured over me. I wished desperately that it would wash away this agony, but it did nothing except soak itself clear through my skin all the way to my core, making me shiver uncontrollably. I had sobbed my last tear; I had not a drop left to shed within me. Edward had kept his word, not coming after me. He no longer had that right or that responsibility.

It was nearly morning when I felt a cold hard hand on my shoulder. I started at the suddenness of it. I hadn't sensed anyone coming. Immediately I knew it was a vampire, but I didn't care who it belonged to. If it was a friend, I had nothing to fear, and nothing to say. If it was an enemy, I no longer had it in me to care. Let them kill me; I had nothing left to lose and maybe some good could come of my despair.

"Bella?" came a deep, low voice "Are you alright?" I forced a weak nod. I didn't want to scare Emmett by turning into the comatose shell of a human being I had become the time Edward left me. I could tell by his gentle voice and light touch that he was really worried and trying not to startle me.

"Come on…" he urged, lifting me effortlessly against his chest and holding me like a small child. "Let's get you back to the house." I laid my head against his shoulder weakly as he started moving, never rising above a slow human pace.

"You" I began, and was surprised at the rough hoarseness of my tiny voice. I cleared my throat in a half-hearted attempt to gain some semblance of clarity and volume. "You can't… You can't take me there. You'll have to take me home."

"Why Bells? What's wrong?" he asked, concern thick in his voice, as well as confusion. "What happened to you?"

"Edward…"

"I'll kill him." He interrupted, his voice seething with menace, danger, and the threat of violence.

"No!" I squeaked "No. Edward and I… I mean… I… I broke up with Edward."

"What?!" His movements faltered as he stood frozen in shock before noticing my concern and resuming his slow trek. "How did… When… What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to be alone. Okay?" He looked reluctant, but nodded. "Can you just take me home?" I pleaded, weakly "Please?"

"Sure, sis." He said, cradling my head against his shoulder like a little baby "I gotcha. No worries. Just rest now…" He never moved above a human pace, and as I relaxed against him I let the rocking motion of his movements take over, lulling me into a deep and much needed sleep.

I awoke the following morning in my room. I hadn't even stirred when Emmett climbed into my window and placed me onto my bed. I cast a quick glance around to find myself alone. Whether I was thankful or disappointed, I wasn't sure. The window was closed, but not locked, and I couldn't smell the sweet, heavenly scent of vampire, so I didn't think anyone had stayed with me while I slept – the first time in a very long time. Dragging myself out of bed with a huge sigh, I grabbed my bag of toiletries and headed to the bathroom.

As the relaxing beads of water pounded and flowed their way down my body, I tried very hard not to think. Not knowing where your life is heading is a daunting thing, especially when a moment ago you thought you had it all figured out. I wished I could call someone; just call one of my friends and pour my heart out to them so they could tell me it would all be okay and help me figure out a plan. I had no one to call.

Tears began to stream down my face with the water and I sunk to the shower floor unable to breathe, the water pounding my face as a searing pain ripped its way through my chest. Tears turned to anger and I found myself thankful that Charlie was away for the weekend as I shouted at the top of my lungs "WHY, Edward?! Why did you have to do this?! Was I not ENOUGH for you?! HUH?! I HATE YOU!!!" He had taken away my friends, my family, my vampire family, my love, my future; had taken it all from me. It was irrational, I knew. He had only ever tried to love and protect me, but at that moment I hated him.

When the water had turned cold and my teeth had begun to chatter, I stepped out of the shower. I toweled off quickly, wrapping the towel around me and returning to my room. Not bothering to get dressed, I sunk down onto my bed, pulling the covers tightly around me. I thought about calling Angela, but couldn't bring myself to attempt the explanation that would be necessary. Glancing toward the end table by my bed, my eyes fell upon Wuthering Heights. I picked up the worn volume, losing myself in the familiar and comforting lines.

Hours passed like they were minutes, and it was nearly dark outside when I started at the noise of my window being thrown open. I had never bothered to get dressed, and the blankets had eventually been kicked to the floor at some point. The towel was tossed aside as soon as I had realized its dampness was the reason I wasn't able to warm up. Panicking by my nudity, I lunged for the covers on the floor.

"Hey, Bells! I ju-" came the booming voice as Emmett threw himself into my room. "Whoa! Jeez! I… uh, sorry Bells, I didn't… uh… I'll just…"

"It's okay, Emmett." I told him, thankful when I glanced up to see that he had immediately turned away. "You can turn around." I assured him. "I'm covered." My face was flushed so red it burned, but I knew he was even more embarrassed than I was. He turned around cautiously, as if something might explode at any sudden movement on his part. I blushed even further when I realized that the glimpse he had gotten would be forever burned into his memory in perfect detail. Trying to distract myself, I began to speak quickly.

"What are you doing here, Emmett?" I realized only after I had said it that it came out sounding as if he were intruding and I was irritated about it.

"Oh, sorry… I just, uh… I wanted to see if you were okay, but I'll just go. Sorry." He headed toward the window, his expression pained.

"No!" I squealed, nearly jumping from the bed in my haste to stop him before remembering that I wasn't dressed. "No." I said, taking a breath to calm myself. "You don't have to go. I was just surprised, that's all."

"Oh. Are you sure? Cause I could just…"

"No, Emmett. It's fine." I assured him, and I had finally calmed myself enough that he believed me. "Although… hmmm… would you mind stepping out for a minute?" I asked, nervously gesturing to my unclad body with a nod of my head.

"Sure, Bells." He grinned. He stepped over to the window, but turned back toward me before jumping. "By the way… nice!" he teased, waggling his eyebrows and gesturing up and down the length of my body.

"Emmett!" I squealed at him, but he was already gone. I heard his booming laughter below and I couldn't help but smile. I was embarrassed, but Emmett didn't hold onto things; that was one of the reasons I loved him so much, and I was glad that he was past the awkwardness of our encounter, even if it was at my expense.

Grabbing some jeans and a T-shirt along with socks, underwear, and a bra, I headed to the bathroom to change. As I had my 'human moment', my stomach growled loudly, reminding me that I hadn't eaten in over twenty four hours. Returning to my bedroom, I dragged a brush through my now very tangled hair as I called down to Emmett to come in. I hadn't brushed it after showering and it had dried in every tangle. Seeing my struggle, he came up behind me and took the brush, somehow managing to unravel every tangle without ever hurting me once. I looked at him with surprise at how gentle he could be and how skilled he was at this.

"What?" he asked defensively as he put the brush on my dresser "Rosalie likes me to brush her hair." I turned to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest. He smelled like home and his cold hard body made me feel loved and whole.

"So do I." I murmured against him. "Thank you, Emmett." He wrapped his big arms around me, but didn't suffocate me in his usual bear hug. Instead, be rubbed soft circles on my back and kissed my head.

"You're welcome, Bells." He answered, sweetly "I love you, you know."

"I love you, too." I told him, lifting up on my toes and pulling him down toward me so I could kiss his cheek. He smiled brightly at the gesture before sweeping me up in his arms and carrying me to the rocking chair in the corner. Sitting down, he tucked me against his chest so that I was draped across his lap.

"Are you okay?" he asked me sweetly. I thought my heart would melt at the love and concern in his voice.

"No." I answered honestly "But I will be. At least… I _think_ I will be."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head. "I could get Alice... or Esme…"

"Thanks, Em… but there's really nothing to say. You know how he was. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I broke up with him. It sucks and it hurts, but… I don't know, Em. It just had to be done and I did it and now I just have to figure out what's next for me and try to move on."

"You're really strong, Bella. Do you know that?"

"Thanks, Emmett. You know…." I said, suddenly smiling as I squeezed his bicep "you're pretty strong, yourself." His booming laugh filled the room and eased the pain in my heart.

"Come on." He told me, standing up from the rocker and heading toward the window. "Let's go." He jumped out the window effortlessly, cradling me against him.

"Where are we going?" I asked in confusion.

"Home." He answered quickly as he took off into the trees, running at a fast human pace, but not much more.

"What?!" I asked, shocked and panicked at his words. "I _was_ home, Emmett… I can't go _there_!" my pitch and volume were increasing more and more with each word.

"Sure you can, Bella. It's your home, too." He said, coolly, not slowing his pace.

"Emmett, stop!" I ordered, surprised when he actually listened. "I broke up with Edward. You're not going to get us back together."

"I know." He replied with a shrug.

"That's _his_ house, Emmett. It's not mine. I can't go there."

"It's his house _and_ it's yours." He stated simply, resuming his former pace "And you _are_ going there."

"No. I'm not." I argued.

"Yes, you are. I'm kidnapping you. You don't have a choice." He paused to smile down at me "We're having a family meeting."

**PLEASE review. It keeps me going. Even if you just say LOVE IT or HATE IT. If you have time, I would like to know:**

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	3. Family meeting

**Author's note: Wow… okay, well, I guess you guys want to read it! I have three boys five and under, am moving this week, am fixing up my house to sell and getting the new one ready, and I'm writing my novel.**

**One shots are one thing, but this is a somewhat more involved story, and I wouldn't have normally started this project right now. I had several requests, though, and was more than happy to oblige. **

**That said, the response has been overwhelming, so I will, of course, continue. I am posting the next chapter immediately and will do my best to write and update as often as I can. I'm glad you guys are reading it, and that's all I ask.**

**On with the show…**

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

Emmett refused to give me any details, so I was going in blind. I had no idea whether Edward would be there, what the meeting was about, who knew I was coming… By the time we arrived I was a nervous wreck. He put me down when we got near the porch, catching me as I tripped on my second step forward over the smooth, even surface of the ground. Laughing loudly, he lifted me again, taking me as far as the door before placing me down again; this time not letting go.

I heard hushed voices inside, but when the door opened, they stopped. Great. They had been waiting for me. He led me to the beautiful dining room, and I was glad for the support of his hand on my arm when I saw the entire family, Edward included, seated around the dining room table waiting for me. I walked in slowly, taking my place in the only chair that remained as Emmett took his seat next to Rose. It was the seat next to Edward's.

Unable to meet his eye or even cast a glance in his direction, I watched Carlisle, who was smiling at me reassuringly. The encouragement did no good though, as it was overshadowed by the clear look of worry wrinkling his flawless brow.

"Bella," he began, a feel of formality to his words "do you know why you're here?"

"No." I answered meekly, then remembering my irritation with Emmett, I spoke up, glaring at him. "Emmett wouldn't tell me anything." He didn't look the least bit guilty. He simply smiled at me as if I hadn't said anything against him.

"That's just as well." Carlisle replied, calmly. "Bella, we understand that you have decided to separate from Edward; to go your own way. Is this correct?"

"Yes." I whispered, guiltily, still refusing to look at Edward.

"We need to decide where we will go from here as a family." A million things raced through my mind as I took in his words. I knew they were vampires… if they didn't kill or turn me, Aro could wipe out their entire family… Maybe they had decided to leave Forks now that I was out of the picture… maybe they were considering changing me… maybe…

"Bella?" Carlisle asked, pulling me from my thoughts. "Are you alright?"

"Are you ill, sweetheart?" Esme asked "Would you like some water?"

"I'm fine." I told them, willing myself to believe it. "What did you mean, Carlisle?"

"Bella, as you know, you're a part of this family. We've grown to love you. Now that you two are… no longer together, we need to decide what happens next." The look of confusion that must have been painted all over my face urged him to continue. "There has been some debate about your place in this family."

_Huh?_

"Bella, _some people_" Alice clarified with a seething tone, though she didn't look at anyone except me "think that now that you're not with Edward, you don't belong in our family anymore. The _rest of us_ disagree."

"Oh." I said numbly. The last thing I wanted to do was intrude where I wasn't wanted. "I uh… I'll just…" I began to rise from my seat, but froze as Carlisle spoke again, sinking back down.

"No. Bella, that's not how things are decided in this family. Bella, do you have any thoughts on this matter?"

_Did_ I have any thoughts on this matter? I suppose I did. I suppose I had _a lot_ of thoughts on this matter. I just wasn't sure what they were.

"Umm… well, I love you guys… all of you… very much. You've been my family for a long time and you've seen me through a lot. I don't… You're _Edward's_ family, and I don't want to be where I'm not wanted. I love Edward" my eyes flickered to him briefly, but didn't linger long enough to read his expression "and I don't want to take away his only source of happiness or support. I don't want to cause a rift in the family I love so dearly, so… I think I should just…"

I made to move, but was stopped once again. "Let's vote then." Carlisle said calmly. "The question on the table is: now that Bella is no longer with Edward, is she still a part of this family?" I fidgeted nervously with the hem of my shirt, afraid of what I might see if I looked up to meet anyone's eyes. "Esme?"

"Yes, of course you are, dear. You're my daughter and I love you."

"Thank you, Esme. I love you, too."

"Rosalie" Carlisle continued, making his way systematically around the table.

"No." My eyes dropped down again. I knew what her answer would be. I even _agreed_ with it, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. "Look, Bella… I"

"No, Rose. It's okay, really. You don't have to explain." I assured her.

"I want to. It's nothing personal, Bella. You aren't a vampire, that's all. I just don't think you belong in our world."

"I understand. Thank you, Rose."

"Emmett?"

"Hell, yes! Bella's my little sister. Besides, if she wasn't around, who would I laugh at?" I couldn't help but smile at his answer.

"Love you, Em. You're my big brother." It felt like I was saying goodbye to them all, and I had to try hard to bite back the tears that were threatening.

"Jasper?"

"I don't… I can't vote on this, Carlisle." He took in Carlisle's wrinkled brow, and probably his confusion and curiosity directly, and continued "I can feel all of this, Carlisle; every side. It's just too much. I can't. I…"

"It's alright, son. I understand." I felt bad for Jasper. He didn't know me well, so he didn't have as much stake in the decision as the others, but this was affecting him more deeply than any of them. I wanted to stand up right then and leave so I wasn't hurting him anymore, but I knew they would never let me go before everyone had had their chance.

"Alice?"

"Yeah!" she said in a mocking sing-song voice. "Bella's my best friend and sister. Of course she's a part of this family. She has been since the first time I saw her in a vision."

"Love you, Alice." I told her, sadly. It really did feel like goodbye. I chanced a look at Jasper as the pain shot through me and caught his grimace.

"Edward?"

"No." he whispered, his eyes in his lap. Everyone waited for his explanation or a little speech, but it didn't come.

"Alright" Carlisle continued "Bella?"

"It's not that I don't want her around." He snapped defensively, probably in response to someone's thoughts. I didn't blame him, nor did I need an explanation.

"It's okay, Edward. You don't have to…"

"No. It's alright, Bella. I… You aren't cut out for our world. You don't belong here. You should be living a normal life. I just think you would be better off without us." He looked down silently, so Carlisle continued.

"Bella?"

"No." I told them softly, and I felt several pairs of eyes shoot up to me as I continued. "I love you guys, but I don't think my being around is what's best for you. I don't want to cause problems, and I don't want to hurt Edward…" I glanced around the table at the faces that surrounded me, noticing every look of pain, satisfaction, surprise, confusion. My eyes paused as they reached Jasper. I could see in his face how hard it was for him to have his family so divided like this, emotions flying everywhere. "or Jasper." I continued. I could feel how badly this was affecting him, and it wasn't fair to him; to any of them. "This is an amazing family, and I won't tear you apart. The decision we reach here doesn't matter. I'm not a part of this family…. Not anymore."

"My vote is yes." Carlisle said calmly, as if I hadn't said any of that at all. "The vote is four to three with one abstaining. Bella _is_ a part of this family. In what capacity will be up to her."

"Bella," he continued, turning to address me directly and taking my hand "We _are_ your family, whether you accept that or not. We can't, and won't, make you be a part of this family, but we _will_ always be family to you. You are _always_ welcome at this house, or any of our others. We'll _always_ be here if you need us, and I sincerely hope you'll choose to let us love you."

"Thank you, Carlisle." I murmured, and I truly was touched by his words, I just wasn't sure how much good they would do me now. "Could someone take me home now, please?"

**PLEASE review. It keeps me going. Even if you just say LOVE IT or HATE IT. If you have time, I would like to know:**

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	4. Seeking self

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

"You know better than to bet against me, right?" Alice asked, not even bothering to glance at the road as she raced toward Charlie's. I just looked at her. What else could I do? What could I say to that? "You're a part of this family, Bella. You're going to _remain_ a part of it."

"Alice…" I began to protest, but she cut me off abruptly.

"We're here." I looked out the window to see Charlie's house. I hadn't even noticed we had stopped moving. Stupid vampire driving. "Charlie'll be here in twenty minutes. I'd ask you if you want me to come in, but you're going to say no, and I'd tell you I'll see you at school tomorrow, but it's going to be sunny until Friday. We're going out of state to hunt, so I'll just say 'I'll miss you and I'll see you at school on Friday', okay?"

"Thanks, Alice." This was one of the things I loved about her. She could be pushy, especially when it came to shopping, but when it really counted, she didn't push. I climbed out of the car and walked toward the front door as if there were cement blocks tied to my feet. "Don't forget to eat something!" she yelled about one full second before my stomach growled. I waved my hand without turning around and heard, rather than saw, her car as it zipped away down the empty street.

I was more machine than human as I reached for the spare key hidden under the eaves and let myself in. Heading for the kitchen, I opened the fridge and grabbed the first thing that looked like food, placing it in the microwave. As I sat numbly at the table and took the first scorching bite of reheated lasagna, I tried not to think, but my mind wouldn't stop, though it seemed somehow disconnected from my body, and –thankfully – from my tear ducts.

I tried to think about my future, but couldn't face it. I tried _not_ to think about my past, but couldn't avoid it. It was probably too late to apply to any colleges. My senior year was coming to an end. The plan had been to move away with the Cullens shortly after graduation, and I had done nothing to prepare for any other contingency. I couldn't freeload off of Charlie. I hadn't saved any money, or even gotten a job. I hadn't lined up a place to live. If I no longer had a place with the Cullens, I was going to have to come up with something – fast. The thing was – I had no idea where to go from here. The thought was overwhelming.

I was saved from my impending panic attack by one thing – Charlie came home.

"Bella?" he asked wearily, shuffling through the door. I could hear his feet dragging as he kicked off his boots and hung up his coat.

"In the kitchen." I called back.

"Hey, Bells. How was your weekend?"

"Umm…" I answered. I was a terrible liar, but I _really_ didn't want to go into this right now. "I… well, not so great." I decided to go with quick and painless… 'like ripping off a band-aid' I told myself. "I broke up with Edward."

The look of shock and utter disbelief on his face was staggering, and the confusion that slowly blended its way into it would have had me laughing in any other situation.

"Oh… do you wanna… I mean, what happened?" he asked, shifting uncomfortably as he spoke and carefully avoiding my gaze. "Do you want to talk about it?" he recovered promptly.

The last thing I wanted to do was relive the past weekend with Charlie. "No, Charlie. Thanks, but… its been a long couple of days and I really just want to go to bed."

"Okay." He yielded, warily. But I saw the way he watched me, his expression guarded; had seen it before, when Edward left. He didn't want to talk about it any more than I did, not really, but he remembered all too well the torment and desolation of those dark days, and had no desire to live through them again. "Get some sleep Bells." I nodded tiredly at him before rising to wash my plate. I had just turned to climb the stairs when he stopped me again "Bells?" I turned to see a hesitant, but uneasy pair of brown eyes studying my every feature. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, Charlie." I assured him, my exhaustion stealing every sign of life from my flat voice. "I'll be okay." And I headed to bed without another word. I could tell that he had more he wanted to say. 'If you want to talk.' Or 'It'll all work out for the best.' Or 'If there's anything I can do…', but I was drained, so I had taken advantage of his inability to gather his thoughts, heading to my room and closing the door behind me without looking back.

I needed a shower badly. I knew I would feel better if I could step into the flowing stream and wash away the stress, fear, sadness, and pain of my day, but I flopped into bed, jeans still on, and covered my head with my pillow, effectively blocking out the light, the sounds, and the rain, letting unconsciousness claim me gratefully.

My alarm took a much deserved trip to the floor as I crashed my hand against it sending it violently tumbling to the hard surface when my dreamless abyss was abruptly – and rudely – interrupted by an incessant buzzing that drilled its way to the center of my brain. The resultant clatter combined with the endlessly grating sound made me want to throw the offending device against the nearest wall and cover my head again, pretending the world didn't exist.

I had already hit the snooze three times, however, and it wasn't Edward's ridiculously fast Volvo driving me today. My poor neglected truck would be in for quite the shock this morning, and if I didn't get a move on, I was going to be late for school.

"Crap, crap, crap." I grumbled to myself as I hurriedly grabbed what I needed and rushed to the bathroom for my morning routine. I was surprised how comfortable it was to have woken alone this morning. Edward had been an integral part of every aspect of my life for a long time, and I thought it would all feel strange without him. As much as he had convinced himself that I couldn't so much as breathe without him, he had never convinced me.

I had put up with his overprotective control and being in a state of constant dependence, but I had never bought into it. I only put up with it because I thought it would eventually change, but the moment I realized he never intended it to change, the time to be tolerant and understanding had come to an end. I was pleased to find even after all that had happened, I was still me. I hadn't lost myself in my reliance on him.

I felt really good as I grabbed some Pop-Tarts and made my way to my rusty, dependable truck. I jumped with surprise, making myself laugh out loud as the deafening engine roared to life. Chugging along the open road for the first time in months, I felt free, and I almost felt guilty at the feeling of freedom and exhilaration – almost.

On the way there, driving under the legal limit, I had some time to think and plan. I would try to reconnect with Angela, I decided. The rest of my friends, I could take or leave – if they no longer had room in their lives for me, I would be okay with that. Angela would forgive my neglect, and I had to believe our relationship was strong enough to survive the injury it had sustained in my carelessness. As I circled the now full lot, I took deep breaths, trying to steel myself for what was to come.

First hour was physics, and with Edward gone I would have some time alone to think before I saw Angela. The extra time was both a blessing and a curse. I could collect my thoughts before plunging into a conversation that would no doubt be painful, but I had the hour alone to stew about what was coming and wonder, as ridiculous as I knew my uncertainty was, whether she would take me back. I spent the hour distracted; lost in thought completely. At the end of class I couldn't have told you a thing about the topic, but I had worked up my confidence. I was prepared.

I found myself nervous as I walked into the crowded calculus room. The small space buzzed with excitement as high spirited students celebrated the long awaited appearance of the sun. Angela spent this period every school day sitting in the seat next to mine, though we seldom even spoke. Edward generally occupied the seat on my other side, and much of the time, my attention with it. Ben sat on Angela's other side, and though they had been together for quite a while now, they spent every moment wrapped up in each other.

Even after all this time, she noticed something as I walked into the room without Edward. Angela had long been used to seeing me without him on days when the weather was nice. The entire school had become accustomed with the Cullens' family outings in celebration of the glorious sun. It was something students and teachers alike looked upon with envy. Angela had always been extraordinarily observant, though, and somehow she _knew_, even before a word was spoken between us – even before I reached my seat –this time was different.

"Hey, Ang." I greeted her, a smile creeping naturally across my face. She gazed in wonder at my expression.

"Hey, Bella!" she cheerfully replied. Leaning closer, she spoke softly as she continued, her hushed voice almost a whisper "What happened?"

"You wanna have lunch with me today?" I asked, glancing around with a pointed look at the many followers - some subtle, some not - of our conversation and trying to sound as natural as I could.

"Of course." She told me. The bell and the commencement of Mrs. Brooke's lecture promptly ended our conversation, but as Ang and I stole occasional glances at each other when we could, I knew that our relationship had survived Edward, and not for the first time, I was glad to have a friend like her. Halfway through, Angela caught me staring into space as I contemplated the myriad of recent events surrounding my life and recaptured my attention as she slipped me a note. I looked at the rough scrap of paper discreetly as I feigned attention to the task at hand. It contained only four words, hastily scratched across the center, but those four words said a lot about our friendship. 'Looking forward to it.'

The next couple of hours slipped by without notice. Before I knew it I was making my way through the lunch line, my eyes scanning the room eagerly for Angela. As I scooped up a patty of some sort that was supposed to resemble chicken, plunking it down next to my salad and lemonade, I spotted her. Away from our usual table as was possible to get, she sat alone at an empty table in the far corner of the cafeteria, watching me with patient anticipation.

Glancing toward her usual place, I saw Ben already seated there with the rest of the gang. He was in the middle of what looked to be a very animated conversation with Austin. By the looks of their movements, they were discussing the action sequences from the latest martial arts movie. The sight made me smile for more reasons than one reason. Angela had obviously told him to buzz off – in a sickeningly sweet way, no doubt – and they wouldn't be interrupting us any time soon, the others would be entertained by their antics so Ang and I could have some privacy, and _we_ didn't have to listen to the play-by-play.

"What's up, Bells?" Angela asked me, her composed look was curious, but I heard the concern she tried to hide in her voice. This was going to be a very long lunch. Well, here goes….

**PLEASE review. It keeps me going. Even if you just say LOVE IT or HATE IT. If you have time, I would like to know:**

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**Good? Bad? Ugly? How often should I update?**


	5. Here comes Friday

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

"I broke up with him." I blurted before my tray ever hit the table. Unsure what to expect next, I watched her expression carefully while I waited for her reply.

"Took you long enough." She chided playfully. I stared at her in shock, unable to speak. "Oh, don't give me that look. Bella, you're too strong for him; too strong to put up with what he put you through. The only thing that surprised me is that you let him control your life in the first place. It's really not you."

I stared at my observant friend in disbelief, surprised, as usual, by how much she saw and wondering at the way she always seemed to get it right. How could I tell her? 'It wasn't me!' I wanted to answer her 'I thought he would turn me into a vampire and everything would be fine because he wouldn't need to protect me anymore!' I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. 'I am NOT that girl. I don't LET people control me. It wasn't my fault! You would have done the same thing in my situation.'

"I know." I replied, weakly. I couldn't drag her into the world of the supernatural; especially now that that world didn't belong to me anymore. I had no defense that I could share, so my only option was to stare at the table and hope she let it go. She did. I always did like her. The rest of lunch went quickly; catching up on gossip, mostly, and talking about Angela's plans for college and life. We made plans to take a weekend trip to Port Angeles for a movie and some shopping and I was actually looking forward to it. I needed some new clothes, and couldn't wait to pick them out myself.

After school was grocery shopping. I strolled quietly down the aisles, taking my time and enjoying the unusual peace that came with wandering alone. Once home, I threw some steaks in a marinade and tossed some potatoes in the oven before heading upstairs to study. Finals were coming fast and I wanted to make sure I could actually pass them. I still didn't know what I was going to do, but I figured it was safe to assume that whatever it was would require passing finals.

As the night and then the week went by, I found it shockingly easy to fall into a comfortable routine. I put behind me thoughts of a future with Edward that I would never have, focusing instead on coming into my own, rediscovering myself, and becoming reacquainted with my own life. Angela was supportive, as usual, and her kind, easygoing nature was precisely what I needed to get back on track.

I began to talk to some of the others, who were slowly beginning to make room for me in their lives. Jessica was reluctant, and Lauren was downright obnoxious, but when had they not been like that? Mike Newton became a puppy again the moment he heard the news, but with Tyler finally paired off with Beth at least the numbers were dwindling. Even the teachers were noticing a difference in my disposition as I opened up; answering more questions, participating in discussions, and socializing with my fellow classmates.

Friday rolled around without help from me, and I found that I was only a little nervous about what the day would bring. I had already come such a long way toward putting myself together again in such a short time that I felt fairly confident I could handle whatever would happen next. I had spent a lot of time thinking about just what that would be. The one scenario I could conjure that I really worried about was one where I had broken Edward the way he had once broken me. Anything short of that, I decided, I could live with.

I dressed for the cooler rain, which had most decidedly returned and headed down for breakfast, surprised to see Charlie still sitting at the table, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand and a pensive expression on his face. He was in full out planning mode. It was really best not to bother him when he wore that look, but curiosity got the better of me.

"Charlie? What are you doing here?" I asked, pouring myself a quick bowl of cereal.

"Took the day off." He answered gruffly, barely bothering to look up at me. "Billy called. Asked me to come up and fish for the weekend." 'He's not doing too well' I could hear him continue silently. 'Neither of us are. Both miss Harry too much.'

"Oh, well… tell him I said hi. It's about time you brought home some fish."

"Hmm." He chuckled. "Don't see you complainin' when it's time to eat it." He stepped over to the sink, rinsing his cup, but turned to me again before leaving the room. "You're doin' real good, Bells." He shifted uncomfortably as he spoke, eyes alternating between gazing at the floor and studying me speculatively "Real good." Walking toward the door without waiting for a response, he waved over his shoulder as he rounded the corner. "Bye, Bells."

I pondered his words as I puttered through town, trying to ignore the incessant rain on my windshield. I knew what he meant, and he was right. After my catatonic age, he worried I would lose it again if something ever went wrong between Edward and I, and it did. I wasn't catatonic, though. In fact, I was better now than before I broke up with him. A sense of pride welled up within me – pride for doing what I knew was best for me, pride for refusing to put everyone's needs, and even wants, ahead of my own when it came to my own life, and most of all, pride for putting myself together, rather than falling apart, when Edward and I were no more.

I didn't have to wait long to find out what would happen at school. Thanks to the rain and my pensive driving, Edward and Alice were already there when I arrived and we had every class together. Of course, I should have known Alice wouldn't let me get even that far by myself.

"Bella!!!!!!!" she squealed, and she was bouncing up and down, her arms wrapped tightly around me taking me with her, the instant my feet touched the ground – or maybe the instant before.

"Alice!" I moaned, blushing at the attention she was drawing to me. "Alice! Stop! You act like you haven't seen me in centuries!"

"It _feels_ like it." She agreed adamantly, as if I were suggesting it had been. "I missed you!"

This had to stop. Glancing across the parking lot behind her, I caught sight of Edward. He leaned against his Volvo looking every bit the Greek God he was. To any other person looking at him, he would appear relaxed, casual, and gorgeous. I knew better. I could see the slightest taughtness to his square jaw, the tiniest tightness to his eyes. I hadn't been here twenty seconds and I was already making him uncomfortable.

"Alice…" I began, wondering what in the world I was going to say to her.

"Nope!" she said, tugging my hand toward first hour.

"Nope? Nope what?" I asked, confused.

"Nice try, Bella, really." She said sweetly as she continued dragging me down the wet sidewalk with inhuman strength. "We're Edward's family and we're upsetting him and blah, blah, blah… all very nice, but you didn't think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?" I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open as she wrenched open the door, ushering me inside. When I simply stood there staring, she even went so far as to begin removing my jacket, bringing me back.

"Alice…" I argued.

"Nope!" she said again, her face breaking out into a huge grin. She kissed my cheek quickly before skipping to her seat. This was going to be harder than I thought. I made my way over to sit in my assigned seat next to Edward, and the moment I hit the chair the bell rang, signaling the start of class and saving us both from the awkward silence, or more awkward conversation, which would have filled the interim.

The first half of class flew by. I couldn't believe we were being introduced to new material so close to finals. The subject was challenging – at least for those of us who weren't vampires – and I didn't even have a moment to spare to glance toward Edward or speculate about how things would pan out. After the lecture, we were given some work to be done in pairs, and Edward was my partner. I took a deep breath before turning to face him.

I was equipped for anything. I spent quite a bit of time thinking of all the ways he might react and how to handle them. I was ready for the possibility that he would take off; travel, mope, drop out, leave the family for a while. I had steeled myself for _angry_ Edward, _sad, but resigned_ Edward, _please take me back_ Edward, _I was always too good for you anyway and I'm not affected in the least _Edward, but I was not prepared for what I got when I met his golden eyes.

"Hello, Bella. How was your week?" _Civil_ Edward? I hadn't prepared for that one. It was like being hit with a pop quiz as I took in his casual tone and curious, but not overly concerned, expression.

"You're talking to me?" I blurted, stunned into stupidity. Apparently the filter between my brain and my mouth turned off at some point.

"Bella, I'm not going to treat you like any other student here and pretend I don't know you." He replied eloquently.

"Oh." 'Real smooth Bella.'

"Besides," he cleared his throat and when he spoke again he looked as if he had an unpleasant taste in his mouth "you are… apparently… a part of the Cullen family now. Of course I'm going to talk to you."

"Edward…" I protested his words. "I'm not a part of your family. Your family is just that – yours."

"It's been voted, Bella. I won't go against a Cullen vote."

"Well, I will."

"So are you going to tell me how your weekend was?" he tried again, ignoring my objection.

"Uh… fine." I stumbled. 'Great, just what I need now' I thought, blushing 'to make a fool of myself.' "Good" I recovered quickly "I've spent a lot of time with Angela, mostly, and studied for finals. How about you?" See… I can do civil.

"Pleasant." He replied, his tone cordial, but not warm.

"Good." I told him, trying not to let my disappointment show through in my voice. I didn't like cordial Edward, I decided. I would rather have had any other Edward than this one. "I think we should get started. Some of us actually have to learn this stuff."

Classes were spent with cordial Edward, though I spent more time talking to Angela or the other friends I had classes with when I could. I spent lunch with Angela, and Alice sat with Edward – probably because Angela's table was full. I didn't see them after school, and thought I had gotten away at last when I reached my truck, but the moment I reached for the handle I heard the familiar voice.

"Bella!" She was right there, right by my ear, and she was squealing excitedly as if she were shouting across a crowded room. "You _know_ were going shopping, right?"

**I tried to write it fast, I really did, but my hands hurt from packing and cleaning and I only find time to write at night, and then I fall asleep! Moving truck comes tomorrow! I'll try to update soon, though no one ever really answered the questions about how often I should update or how long a chapter should be.**

**LEMON QUESTION: Obviously this story is a longer one, so there will be no lemons right away (though if you guys want a one shot to tide you over I could probably arrange it…hmmm… I think I'll throw a poll up about that idea…) Someone take a look at my other one-shots (you don't have to have read the series to like them) and tell me if **_**this**_** is the kind of LEMON you want when it comes time for one. **


	6. Back to the Cullens

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

"Alice, I can't go shopping with you. I already have plans." No need to tell her that my plans _were_ shopping.

"I know." She declared smugly "I'm going with you!" Of course she would know. She's Alice. And I _could_ argue, but it wouldn't do any good – not if she had seen it. Just to check, I glanced at Edward, who had sauntered over at a more normal pace. He and I had gotten quite good at these silent conversations. He could see her thoughts and visions, so he could tell me when she had really seen something and when she was just being her overly confident self. Then I could decide whether it would help to argue.

"Fine." I pouted when he nodded slightly.

"Yea! This is gonna be SO much FUN! Okay. I'll pick you up after dinner!"

"What?! For what, Alice? We're not going until Sunday!"

"You're spending the weekend silly! And would you quit looking at Edward like that? I've already seen it and you're going to agree to it, so just grumble and get it overwith." I was already checking and he was already nodding, so I had to concede, but I refused to obey her by grumbling.

"Alice, can I speak to Edward alone?"

"I'll wait until the dishes are done, but not a minute longer." She said before glancing a silent conversation at Edward, who promptly threw her his keys. What? Why would he do that? He hated letting anyone drive his car. She dashed off without another word, and he wrenched open my door for me. At least it was the driver's door.

"So we could have privacy." He explained as I scrambled in. Okay; that was her excuse. What was his? He gave up his Volvo and now he was subjecting himself to _my_ driving? He _hated_ my driving. Not that there was anything wrong with it, he had once explained. In fact, I drove better than most humans. It was just the thought of all the things that could go wrong.

Now that I was alone with Edward, I had no idea what to say to him. He didn't seem to be in a big hurry, so a lot of the drive was spent in silence. "Edward, are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked about halfway there. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I can find a way out of this."

"Argue with Alice?" he asked, incredulous.

"I see your point. But still…"

"It's fine, Bella. Alice would kill both of us if I did anything to stop you from coming and I know the rest of the family has missed you. They're really looking forward to it."

"Okay." I warily agreed.

When we reached the house, Edward came around to open my door for me. "Goodbye, Bella." He said formally, nodding toward me before disappearing into the forest.

Alice was true to her word, ringing the doorbell before I had dried my hands. I grabbed my suitcase and rushed out to greet her. I was a little surprised to see that she had run there so I could drive, but I didn't question her. I wasn't about to push my luck when it came to my independence.

"Alice, why are you doing this?" I asked as we rumbled down the road toward the Cullen mansion. "I mean… Don't you think it would be better for Edward if you left me alone?"

"No." she said, simply "I don't. It wouldn't be better for him, for you, or for any of us. I've seen where this is all going, Bella, and it's going somewhere good – somewhere _really_ good."

"_Where_ is it going, Alice?" I asked in pure exasperation "_Where?_"

"Uugh! I wish I could tell you!" she shouted, frustration seething through her voice and her body. "I wish I could just tell you and get it over with!"

"Why can't you?" I challenged "Just tell me. It'd be a lot easier if I knew what was going on."

"Because…" she moaned "It won't come true if I tell you!" My questioning glance in her direction was enough to spur her on "Believe me – I've tried! I've come up with a thousand ways to tell you, but no matter what I do it ruins it. And, oh Bella, it's so cool! And I can't tell anybody! I hate this." Alice had just ridden an emotional roller coaster that would have made even Jasper proud. She had gone from frustrated to lamenting to frustrated again before moving on to excitement and landing herself in a full-fledged pout.

I drove in silent contemplation for a while. I wanted more than anything to force her to tell me what she had seen, but I knew I couldn't. Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too, and if there was a way around it Alice would have found it by now. I was going to have to wait and see what my future would bring just like everyone else. Resigned, I pondered what this newest revelation would mean for me _now_.

"Hey Alice," I asked, bursting the bubble of blissful quiet that was so rare in Alice's presence. "I really get to stay in the family?"

"Mmmhmm." She smiled.

"And Edward will be okay? You've seen it?"

"Yep." It was more than I could ever have hoped for; keeping the family I had come to love without hurting Edward. A wide smile spread across my face as I pulled up to the house that was still my home.

Before I opened my door the entire family had gathered outside the beautiful home to greet me. I thought my heart would burst seeing their beautiful, smiling faces again. I felt like forever since I had seen them last and none of them were smiling then. Alice was opening my door before I could blink and as I stepped out I was surrounded by intense love in the form of smiles, hugs, kisses, playfully ruffled hair, and a virtual symphony of greetings.

I melted into the arms of my adopted family as tears sprung to my eyes. I wasn't embarrassed and it wasn't uncomfortable; I didn't even blush. And they weren't tears of sadness, but of absolute joy. This was where I belonged; where I had always belonged. I now knew that this was where I would always belong – right here, in the arms of my loving family.

"Alright, alright… Break it up!" came a booming voice over the crowd just as I was slung up by a pair of giant hands "You guys quit hogging my kid sister!" Emmett threw me over his shoulder caveman style, carrying me toward the house.

"Emmett! I can walk you big oaf! PUT ME DOWN!!!" I kicked and screamed and hit him the whole way there, but truthfully I loved it just as much as he did.

"Yeah," he argued as he sat me gently on the porch "but can you do it without falling?" He donned a cocky grin before darting inside at vampire speed so that I couldn't hurt myself beating him up. "COMON LITTLE SIS! LET'S PLAY VIDEO GAMES!" he yelled from inside, and I darted in after him, knowing that if I couldn't get out of it, and I couldn't, it was best to get there in time to pick the game unless I wanted to spend five hours listening to Emmett yell 'OH YEAH!' as he repeatedly slammed my player onto the mat.

I could tell as Emmett and I played that he had missed me. It had been quite a while since Edward had deemed it 'safe enough' for me to play games with him – though that one was admittedly probably a good call. Emmett tends to get carried away and sometimes the house ends up broken – but more than just Emmett, the whole family had missed me. Unlike what usually happened when Emmett finally found himself another victim, everyone didn't go their own ways. They all hung around and watched like they had never seen him kick my but at games before.

No one stepped up to the plate and offered to take a hit for me, but they all hung around, even Jasper, who never spent any time where I was, and Carlisle and Esme, who hated video games. All of them. When my hands and eyes couldn't take another minute, I did the only thing I could do – I used food as an excuse.

"I need a snack." I announced as I lost yet another round. I was halfway to the kitchen before I realized that _everyone_ was following me. Everyone. What was going on here? Flustered, I grabbed the first thing I saw as I opened the fridge – strawberry ice cream. Thank You Esme! Dishing some up and grabbing a spoon, I tried to ignore my audience, but it's kind of hard to ignore seven vampires while they watch your every move. I took my midnight snack to the dining table and sat down, watching in wonder as they all sat with me.

"Guys…" I asked tentatively around my first freezing cold bite "What's going on?"

"What do you mean, Bella?" Carlisle questioned, his brow wrinkling with that ever lingering curiosity.

"I mean _this_." I mumbled around a mouthful, gesturing with my spoon around the table as everyone watched.

"We missed you, dear." Esme told me softly. Her sad smile was so sincere it made me want to wrap my arms around her.

"I missed you, too." I replied. Looking around the table, I realized her look was mirrored to some extent on every face there – even Rosalie. I tried not to think too much about my audience as I ate, but I don't think my blush ever left completely.

"So… what have I missed?" I asked no one in particular, trying to take at least a little of the focus off of me.

"Nothing much." Rose began. The fact that it was her who chose to answer surprised me, though I tried very hard not to show it. "You know… to an immortal-"

"Whatdya mean _nothing_?" Emmett argued, incredulous. "I bagged four bears in one trip! Four!" I held in a chuckle at his childlike enthusiasm. His words spurred quite the heated debate about what is and isn't news vs. the probabilities of bagging four bears in one day, and I was able to finish my desert in peace.

When I finished, I started to rise from the table to rinse my bowl, but Carlisle stopped me. "Bella," he began somewhat nervously. The fact that _he_ was nervous set me on edge and I had to fight not to panic as I conjured up images of them leaving me again. "there is something our family needs to discuss." He assessed me briefly before continuing. I nodded, looking directly at him and swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.

"Do you feel like you're up to it tonight? If you're tired, we could-"

"No! No." I interrupted. I was tired, yes. Exhausted, even. But there was no way I could sleep now. Not until I knew what was going on. "What is it Carlisle?" I turned a grateful eye to Jasper as a wave of peace and contentment washed over me. It wasn't the numb calm he generally delivered, and I could tell he was really making an effort to make me comfortable.

"It's perhaps something you should think about for some time. Sleep on it, and we can discuss it again when you're ready. There is no need for you to make an immediate decision, but we would like to know your intentions toward becoming a vampire."

**Well, she's back with the Cullens. What do we think? Is this one any good?**


	7. A night with Jasper

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

_What_???! Did he just ask me if I want to be a vampire? He couldn't have. Could he? I mean… that path was lost to me… Wasn't it? My mind was racing, trying everything to come up with any other explanation for his words. Surely I must have heard him wrong and I dared not allow myself to hope. Yet here I was, looking into the thoughtful, solemn eyes of the head of the Cullen family, the one who had never taken a human life, had never turned anyone who wouldn't die otherwise, and there was nothing in them but earnestness

"What?" I blurted after a few seconds of stunned silence. "I mean, did you… are you… did…" I couldn't for one coherent question, so I saved my voice. Glancing around me, I took in the others' expressions, trying to glean some insight into what was probably a misconstrued situation. Maybe he was just making sure I didn't have any silly notions in my head that it could happen. That must be it.

Alice was excited, practically bouncing up and down… no, scratch practically… she _was_ bouncing up and down. Jasper watched me curiously, likely trying to make sense of my whirlwind of emotions. Emmett had a grin wider than his own face and his eyes were lit up like Christmas. Rose looked… pissed. There was no other word for it. Pissed. Esme looked like a mother; proud and sweet. Carlisle looked interested and a little curious, but there was some concern there, too. Finally, I made it to Edward. Stoic as he tried to be – and I had to hand it to him that he hadn't yet reacted violently – he looked like his father figure had punched him in the face. He was hurt, angry, betrayed, saddened, and I saw the pain as clearly as if it were my own.

"Yes, Bella" Carlisle clarified, bringing me back from the abyss that was Edward's expression "I am asking you if you still wish to become a vampire."

"Uh… I… uh…" I replied eloquently. If I kept this up, they would probably rescind their offer. What did I say to that, though? That life was lost to me forever, and here it was, on my doorstep. I loved the Cullens and the thought of eternity with them was… but just the sight of Edward's face… It was clear he didn't want to spend an eternity being reminded of what he lost.

I was so tired of making choices in my life based on everyone else, but…. If I joined the Cullens, he would spend forever having to choose between wallowing in misery, reminded every day of his pain, or staying away from his own family. I didn't want to give up my family, either – and they _were_ my family now – but… could I do that to Edward?

"There's no need for you to answer tonight, dear." Esme assured me gently, moving around the table to stand behind me and rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I'm sure you're very tired. Why don't you go on up and get some rest. We can talk about this later." Still unable to find words, I nodded at the table, rising from my chair.

I started for the stairs on auto-pilot, making it halfway up before I realized I didn't have anywhere to go. I always stayed in Edward's room when I came over. Where did I stay now?

"Alice, why don't you show Bella to her room?" I heard Esme's kind voice drift up to where I had frozen mid-step, preparing to turn around. Alice had flitted to my side before I'd had time to react.

"Come on, Bella!" she squealed. I made it up almost two more steps before she lost her patience with my human slowness. She scooped me up in one swift movement, racing up the stairs. By the time I had squealed her name with what little breath I had left in my lungs, she was placing me gently on my feet again in front of one of the many doors.

Seeing that Alice was going to wait for me to do it myself, I opened the simple white door to reveal a dreamlike haven beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Within the confines of those four beautifully decorated walls was breathing space, privacy. That simple space was freedom and independence; it was my autonomy, my own retreat.

Looking at the simple designs, the homey feel, it was clear that Esme was responsible. Everything was bright and clean and done up old fashioned. A huge four poster bed graced the center of the room and the hodgepodge of antique furniture and fixtures accented it beautifully as did the creams and greens of the walls.

I noted a small bookshelf on either side of the bed and a time worn rocking chair in one corner. The best part about it was the amazing hand-made quilt draped across the bed. Running my fingers across the flowing surface, I was drawn in to the detail. I had never seen anything that had even come remotely close to the handwork. I looked questioningly at Alice, who uttered one word, the only word I should have expected "Esme."

Sighing my admiration, I walked slowly around the room, taking in every detail before grabbing my bag and heading out for my 'human moment'. I cleaned up quickly, trying not to let my mind wander to the implications of tonight's conversation, but what else is there to do while you're brushing your teeth?

My mind was racing a mile a minute as I made my way back to my own private oasis. I flung myself into the bed, knowing I would never be able to sleep, and let out a huge sigh. I regretted the sound immediately as I was reminded by the almost instantaneous knock on the door that everyone in the house was able to hear it.

"Come in." I said, sure to keep my voice polite. I had to work hard to suppress my internal groan. I didn't want to see Edward or Alice or whoever it was, and have them try to cheer me up. I just wanted… I don't know… I wanted… peace.

"Bella?" came a smooth, but tentative voice from the slightly opened door. A pair of cautious honey eyes peered in at me. "May I come in?"

"Jasper?" Well, I didn't expect that one. I sat up quickly, crossing my legs to face him. "Uh… y-yeah… come in!" I half stuttered, half squeaked. Jasper hadn't exactly spent a lot of time with me. The most we had ever been together had been in the hotel when James was after me. He had never really initiated any contact with me in the past, so I was shocked to see him knocking at my door.

"I don't mean to disturb you, Bella." He spoke sympathetically, his look one of concern and careful kindness.

"It's fine Jasper, really. I was just a little… surprised. Please, come on in." I motioned for him to come closer than the single step he had taken into the room. He obliged, cutting the distance between us in half, all the while watching me as if he thought I might scream in terror if he moved too fast or came too close.

I appreciated him closing the door behind him, giving some illusion of privacy even though I knew there was no such thing in this house. I wondered absently when Edward would come bursting in to object to our close proximity.

"Bella, I… I can feel your emotions – have been feeling them all evening – and… well, it seemed to me like perhaps you were ready for a break from them." He looked down at the floor, almost seeming ashamed, but he raised his thoughtful eyes to meet mine again and continued. "I thought you might like a little help relaxing. I could even help you sleep if you'd like…"

He trailed off, seeming a little unsure of himself. Maybe he thought he was intruding. Maybe he had decided I didn't like him or that I was afraid of him. Realizing that I was staring at him in shock as he waited for an answer, I struggled to pull my thoughts together and come up with some sort of intelligent response for him – preferably in the form of words.

"Um…" yeah, that'll help. "Thank you, Jasper." I recovered "That sounds… nice. I think I would like that." He smiled the most warm, open smile I had ever seen on anyone before. I stared in astonishment at all that was hidden behind that proud and happy grin.

Immediately, I felt a feeling of fulfillment, gladness, pride, and satisfaction. It took me only a moment of soaking up the emotions as I watched the absolute delight on Jasper's face to comprehend that I was feeling what Jasper was feeling right now.

He wasn't sending me fabricated emotions based on memory, he was exuding his own. I had never felt anything like this coming from him before and I wondered where these feelings were coming from.

"Wow." I told him, taken aback by the intensity of it all "This is… It's just… Wow." He chuckled softly; a sound I had never heard from him before and took another tentative step, still watching my every move and expression, and no doubt feeling out every hint of emotion, as if I might want to stop him.

"It's okay, Jasper." I assured him. "I'm not afraid of you." He looked down at this, and the wonderful feelings emanating from him lessened slightly. He was… ashamed.

"Jasper?" I questioned, clambering out of the bed and walking the few steps over to him. "What's wrong?"

"You _should_ be afraid of me." he admitted softly. His voice was almost a whisper.

"Why on earth would I be afraid of you, Jasper? Look at how you just made me feel. You came up here to help me."

He only said two words. He only needed two words. "Your birthday."

"Jasper." I scolded. "Look at me right now." He obeyed, albeit unwillingly. "You just stop that right now. What happened on my birthday was NOT your fault. It's your nature, and I was clumsy. It was an ACCIDENT and nothing happened, so just STOP." I was probably a little harsher in my tone than I could have been. I may have even seen him flinch slightly, but we had to get past this… _he_ had to get past this.

"Jasper…" I softened my voice, reaching up to touch his face and bring him back from his contemplative state. "I'm not afraid of you." My words were nearly silent, but he'd have heard them. He put his cool hand on mine, leaning into my hand and pressing it more firmly against him. He had likely never felt the warmth of a human against his icy skin since 'going vegetarian' and he was clearly captivated by the sensation.

We stood like that, neither of us moving, for a long time. I stared into his deep, rich eyes as he stared back at mine. It wasn't awkward. It was pleasant.

"You are really an amazing creature, Isabella Swan." He declared, suddenly breaking the silence, and I could feel his admiration and wonder seeping through. For once, I didn't blush as he took away my shyness, not with his gift, but with the sincerity I felt from him.

"Jasper… Do you think… could you… I mean, would you help me sleep? It's been an interesting day and I'm exhausted."

"Of course, Bella." He replied casually, yet his hand didn't release mine as it still laid across his cheek. Unwilling to tear it away from him, I continued to stand there for just a little while longer. As I did, I studied Jasper.

I had spent so little time with Jasper in the past that I had never really come to know him. I had never been this close and not been out of my mind with fear. I scrutinized the lines and details of his face, the depth of his honey-gold eyes, the richness of his hair. He was every bit as beautiful as the others.

As I continued to watch him, he closed his eyes as if he were savoring something; a scent, a feeling… but no, I realized. He was savoring my emotions - my admiration of him. After a moment more, he opened them again, looking into my eyes.

"Thank you, Bella." He uttered quietly. He released my hand, glancing toward the bed and back again. "Let's get you some sleep, okay?"

Jasper settled himself into the aged rocking chair in the corner of the room as I climbed wearily into the massive bed, and as it turned out it was quite comfortable. Looking toward Jasper, I began to feel my eyes getting heavier, my breathing slowing and becoming more even, and I caught one final timid smile before my eyes fluttered closed with a comfortable sigh.

I had time enough for one more thought before I was pulled into unconsciousness; maybe Jasper and I had a chance at being friends, after all…

**Well, there's Jasper... Do we hate it? Does anybody want a one shot? Hit the poll on my profile for Twilight or Mercy Thompson one shots... P.S. Pleeeeease tell me what you think of my Jasper. I was really nervous writing him.**


	8. A Lazy Saturday Morning

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

The mid-morning sun creeping lazily along the cozy quilt of my new bed, I awoke a little groggy and disoriented, but well rested. Glancing around the room, I was quickly reminded of where I was, but as my scanning eyes reached the rocking chair in the corner I froze. There, sitting patiently waiting for me, was Jasper.

It didn't seem to me like he had moved the entire night. Had he stayed with me? I thought he would send me off to sleep, going about his business as soon as I slipped under his spell, but… surely he hadn't stayed _all night_. Right?

"Jasper?" I ventured shyly.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Did you… did you stay here all night?" He nodded and smiled, but didn't say anything. How sweet. And embarrassing. I just hoped I hadn't said anything I would regret. "You really didn't have to do that." I said sweetly, trying not to sound too scolding.

"Does that bother you, Bella?" he asked, nervously.

"No, of course not. It's just… I guess I figured you would have better things to do. I don't want to put you out, that's all."

"I just thought you might like a good night's sleep." He shrugged noncommittally.

"And it was. Thank you, Jasper."

"You're welcome, Bella." He told me, taking his leave so I could move on with my morning routine. After a quick shower, I headed down to the kitchen to find Esme making pancakes.

"Good morning, dear." She greeted me cheerfully.

"Morning!" I called back, bouncing energetically to her side to kiss her cheek. I had really missed the familiar cool stone touch of a vampire. Edward may not ever have wanted to have sex with me, but he had been around all the time and physical contact was nearly constant between the two of us. I was going through withdrawal.

"What are your plans for the weekend, Bella?" she asked as I shoveled in the delicious breakfast.

"I'm not sure." I told her. "Tomorrow sort of belongs to Alice, I'm afraid. She, Angela, and I are going shopping in Port Angeles. Today is Saturday, though. Saturday is _mine_. At least… I _hope_ it is." She smiled sympathetically, shaking her head, understanding all too well the force that is Alice.

"Where are they anyway?"

"Alice took Jasper hunting. He decided after last night that he should try to hunt as much as possible when he's around you. Emmett dragged Edward out looking at cars somewhere up north, and Rose was mad because they wouldn't let her go with them, so she joined Alice and Jasper.

"Carlisle's at the hospital so it's just you and me for a little while." I matched her sweet smile with an enthusiastic one of my own, pondering the possibilities of the morning – or what was left of it.

"Esme?" I ventured, taking another bite and trying to figure out what it was exactly that I wanted to ask.

"Yes?" she asked, curiously.

"I was just wondering if you knew… well… What's with Jasper? I mean… the change, you know… he… I don't know. He's just different."

"Bella, there's something you need to understand." Stopping her busywork, she came to sit beside me and studied me with a worried expression. Staring into the distance, she seemed to be in another world as she began to speak." Edward kept Jasper away from you even from the very beginning. We really try not to, but the entire family makes him feel like the weakest link and…" she paused, looking down.

"Bella, after your party; after we almost lost you… Edward blamed him. He had always said it would happen one day and then it did. Edward said some things to Jasper then that-" Esme stopped herself short, taking my hand before she continued in a slightly different direction.

"Jasper will never forgive himself after that. After the attack, he left the family for a long time. He wouldn't even let Alice come with him. He wandered on his own for so long. He was ashamed. He believes he's a monster.

"Edward only made it worse. Rose and Emmett tracked him down the first time and it took them forever to get him to come back. When he did… well, Edward didn't take it well. Of course, Edward was despondent while we were away from you.

"When he saw Jasper he said some things he shouldn't have said. Jasper left again that very day. The rest of us were very angry at Edward. It was hard on all of us, leaving you. It was Edward's fault that we all lost you. He and Jasper were the only ones who couldn't see that.

"We tried not to be angry with Edward, but he can read thoughts. That made it hard to hide the way we all felt, even to spare his feelings. He left us shortly after, roaming on his own for a while. Carlisle finally tracked down Jasper and he and Alice convinced him to stay with us.

"When Edward returned he was furious, but we told him that if he were going to stay, he needed to stop hurting Jasper. It was only a short time after that when Alice saw you jump. Bella, things have settled into an awkward truce since then, but they're not the way they were.

"I'm only telling you this because I want you to understand. It wasn't because of you that Jasper has kept his distance. It was because of Edward. And because of himself… he believed it when Edward told him he was a monster, that he was a threat to you and couldn't be trusted."

"Wow. Esme, I had no idea. Edward has never told me any of this." Tears were tracing smooth lines down my face. "I thought… I don't know. I guess I thought when you left me behind, you all just went off together and kept being a happy family. I never imagined this."

"Edward loved you, dear. He still does." I looked down at her words, trying to figure out how to explain to her without crushing her that he and I were never going to be together again. She must have read my face because she shifted from her saddened explanation to rushed reassurance in a heartbeat.

"Oh, I know it's over between you, honey. That's not what I was getting at." Her sincerity sent a wave of relief over me, calming me instantly. "I just wanted to explain that Edward had a lot of rules when it came to you.

"We mostly let him run the show. You were with Edward, so if he said you couldn't be a vampire or Jasper had to stay away, we respected his wishes. You don't belong to him, though Bella… not anymore… and the rules have changed.

"We had a family meeting and Edward was forced to see that he no longer has any more say in your life than the rest of us do. Alice has encouraged Jasper to get to know you. I think she sees the two of you as friends, though she won't tell any of us.

"I have to say I agree with her. The two of you have a lot in common really, and I think you'll get along wonderfully. Edward isn't happy about it, but he doesn't have to be. He won't try to control you anymore, Bella. We'll make sure of that."

"Thank you, Esme." I said, earnestly, giving her cool hand a squeeze. "For looking out for me… and for telling me this. It really helps me to understand."

A couple of hours to myself meant peace and quiet and I was going to take full advantage of it. I had to avoid thinking. My future was too uncertain and I really didn't want to face it right now. The comfort and familiar feeling of falling into a good book seemed easier to face.

The day was beautiful and Esme offered to hang the hammock for me, so I grabbed a good book from the study and settled myself in, prepared to laze around all morning long.

It was probably a couple of hours later when Jasper, Alice, and Rose returned. It never ceased to amaze me how they could return from a hunt looking as if they had just freshened up when I could look the worse for wear from a trip across the yard.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!" Alice called out before they had even reached me. "My sister! My beautiful, wonderful, awesome best friend!" Oh no… she wants something and whatever it is, I'm not going to like it…

"Rose and I are going shopping in Seattle! Want to come?!"

"Oh, no you don't, Alice…" I hedged. I wasn't budging on this one. I didn't care if she _had _seen it. "I'm going shopping tomorrow. I'm not going today, too." She gave me her adorable – and irresistible – pout, but I dug in my heels. I _would_ resist her. "Oh no… not this time, Alice. Nice try, but I'm staying."

"But it's _Seattle_!" she cried.

"As if that makes a difference to me." I argued, daring her to challenge that one. Jasper chuckled his appreciation and Rose actually laughed out loud.

"Come on, Alice." Rose urged, sympathetically. "You're wasting your time. She's not coming and she's as stubborn as I am when she wants to be."

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, grateful to have Rose on my side.

"But… you'll be bored all day…" Alice whined.

"I'll be fine, Alice. I'll just hang out." I tried to assure her. She looked skeptical. "It's fine. Really."

"Okay…" she conceded. She wasn't happy about it. "Oh! Well, that's great then!" she said, suddenly her very chipper self again.

"What?" I asked her, confused about the sudden change in her mood. She probably had a vision, but she seemed a little _too_ happy.

"Jasper's going to take you for a walk." She informed me, smiling widely. You'll be fine!"

"He… I… What?" I asked, suddenly nervous. "I don't really _walk_, Alice." I informed her, though I knew it wouldn't help to argue with her. She had already seen it. "The best I usually manage is to stumble and the worst… well, you know the worst."

"You'll be fine, silly." She said before turning to Rose. "Rose! Shopping!"

The two of them took off hand in hand, disappearing in a flash of giggles and leaving an awkward situation behind them as Jasper still stood next to me, neither of us really knowing what to say to the other.

"_Would_ you like to go for a walk, Bella?" he asked, finally breaking the silence between us. "I mean… you don't have to if you don't want to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just thought…"

I couldn't take it anymore. Watching poor, sweet Jasper fumbling for words and trying to make me feel better was too much. "Of course, I'll go, Jasper." He studied me for a moment, assessing my reaction to him, but I wasn't afraid of him as he seemed to think I should be.

Finally, he smiled. Hopping up from the hammock – and amazingly not falling flat on my face in the process – I slipped into the tennis shoes I had shed, unexpectedly finding myself eager to get going. I absently decided Jasper's enthusiasm must be seeping through to me, and I not-so-absently decided I didn't care. This was going to be fun.

I followed Jasper to the edge of the woods, hesitating at the first of the undergrowth. "Jasper… I fall down. A lot."

"Don't worry, Bella." He assured me, fading my insecurity into the background and replacing it with confidence. There were definitely perks to having an empathic friend. "I won't let you fall." Suddenly feeling bold and self-assured, I reached out to take his outstretched hand and the two of us disappeared into the depth of the forest.

**Some time with Jasper… Do we like???**


	9. A Walk in the Woods with Jasper

**I've had a couple of questions coming up over and over, so I thought I'd address them here: If it happens in the future… I don't know. Won't know until I write it. I don't plan ahead. Yes, Alice knows. She's happy. No, Edward doesn't know. She's keeping it from him. Yes, Alice and Jasper are still together at this point and Bella and Jasper are just friends (so far…)**

**PS. This is the chapter I used for the one-shot lemon, but don't get your hopes up, girls; that's what the one-shot's for…**

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

Hiking with Jasper was incredible. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I stumbled frequently, but true to his word, he never let me fall. I never felt worried, embarrassed, or anxious about not going fast enough. Jasper took all of that away and all I felt was relaxed and content.

The two of us really enjoyed our time together. Neither of us were in a hurry; we had no destination in mind. He took the time to point out and name the various plants and living creatures as we went along, and I found his interest and enthusiasm catching. He had been around long enough to be able to identify anything and everything, and I made a game out of testing his knowledge.

As we walked, we talked, getting to know each other. I realized just how little I knew about him and his past. When he shared the details of his change with me, I was saddened, but also impressed with how far he had come since. Something he stubbornly refused to see.

We talked about books, music, life in general, and nothing in particular. It was comfortable and nice. It was easy to see after a very short time that we would be very good friends, now that there was no one to stop us.

As these thoughts occurred to me I was happy, but I stopped in my tracks as I found myself suddenly filled with anger.

"Bella?" Jasper inquired, looking confused "You're angry. What's wrong?"

"Why would they do that to us, Jasper?" I asked, my anger warring with sadness and disappointment as I mourned what I had missed. "Why would they keep us apart?"

"Bella?" he asked, not able to understand my tumult of emotion.

"We could have been friends all this time – _should_ have been friends, and they kept you away from me. It's not fair, Jasper!" I practically shouted at him in my anger. "They shouldn't have done that. They had no right." My words were reduced to a near whisper as I looked to the forest floor for answers I wouldn't find.

"They were looking out for your best interests, Bella. I'm not safe for you." He looked so ashamed it broke my heart.

"You won't hurt me, Jasper." I assured him, though I knew he didn't believe me. I took a step closer, facing him and keeping his hand. "Jasper… I know you don't want to believe this, but you've come a long way since those early days.

"You've made so many good choices since, and you're not the person you were then. As soon as you knew there was another way you took it. You have to let go of your past, Jasper. Eternity is a long time to live with regret.

"I trust you, Jasper. If they had let you be near me sooner, what happened on my birthday may have never happened. It would have gotten easier to be around me." He looked down at my mention of my party and my heart broke for him.

"Jasper… look at me." I placed my hand on his face as I had last night and he leaned into it just as naturally as he had before, covering my hand with his own. "Let me ask you something."

"Yes?" He spoke quietly, eyes closed, his face still leaning against my hand as he let my absolute trust and genuine admiration wash away his self-loathing, shame, and doubt.

"Is it any easier today?" I questioned, searching his face for understanding. "Is it easier to be near me than yesterday?"

He leaned into me, keeping my hands, one holding his, one on his face, and buried his nose in my neck. Inhaling deeply, but slowly, he buried his face in my hair and took in my scent. I almost wanted to stop him; I knew it was hurting him, but I had to let him see that he could do this. And I needed him to see that I wasn't afraid of him.

"It's easier." He murmured softly against my skin. His words filled me with satisfaction.

"You won't hurt me, Jasper." I told him. As he began to pull away to look at me I held onto him, letting go of his hand, removing the one from his face, and wrapping my arms around him in a huge hug. I held tightly, knowing he could break away if he wanted to, but hoping he wouldn't.

He froze instantly, but eventually relaxed against me, wrapping his arms loosely around me and resting his chin on my head as I tucked myself into him. "Don't be afraid, Jasper." I told him, softly. "I'm not. I want to be your friend… if you'll let me."

"I would like that, Bella." He told me, releasing me, but keeping my hand. He smiled and met my eyes as he continued "That was amazingly pleasant, you know – the warmth. And it was easier than I thought it would be."

"It'll only get easier after this." I assured him. "I'm just sorry that it hurts you. If it ever gets to be too much, you just tell me, okay?" He nodded, his proud smile only growing wider.

"I'm so angry at them for what they've done to you, Jasper." He looked confused, but didn't respond otherwise. "They've made you believe the worst of yourself. I don't know that I can ever forgive them for that."

He hung his head in shame and I wanted to strangle all of them. "Jasper. You. Are. Good." I told him, yet again. "You're stronger than you think, and you're going to have to learn to see yourself more clearly."

Jasper didn't say anything; he merely tugged my hand and continued walking again. I could tell he was considering my words, so I let the quiet wrap around us comfortably. It was only ten minutes later when we reached it.

Breaking through the trees, I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen in my life. The trees cleared slightly to make a separate area that didn't depend on the seldom existent sun for its beauty. Japanese style terraced cedar steps led down an irregular path to a small creek which fed a small pool before continuing its way down a winding path.

Rocks had been collected to line the creek and pool as well as to provide seating, and the plants had been allowed to grow, but not to take over, bathing everything in green. It looked as if it might have been there for a thousand years. The forest had accepted this place as its own.

"My special place." Jasper murmured when I drew in a jagged breath at the pure beauty of it.

"Jasper…" I whispered. Words would not find me. They could never describe the magic of this place. "It's beautiful."

"I come here to be alone. No one else comes here."

"You just brought me…"

"It's nice to have a friend." He told me. He ushered me to a group of boulders and encouraged me to sit and rest. Perching himself next to me on the largest of them, he sighed. "It's hard, you know - feeling everyone's emotions all the time. It's a lot to take in. It's nice to be by myself sometimes and feel what I feel without interference."

I began to feel like I was intruding on something that was special to Jasper. Sensing this, he turned to face me. "It's refreshing to be around you. You're not intruding. I brought you here.

"So you've never brought anyone here?" I asked him.

"I've brought Alice once or twice, but she'd rather be shopping." He shrugged, seemingly unaffected, but I didn't miss the pain, rejection, and loneliness in his statement at the fact that he had no one to share this with. He did now, though – he had me.

"Thank you, Jasper… for bringing me here."

We sat for a long time, listening to the forest before he spoke again. "I don't see myself clearly." He challenged, his eyes still lingering in the depths of the forest.

"No. I don't think anyone sees you clearly, Jasper."

"So, tell me."

"In your past, you did things – things you weren't proud of. The fact that you're not proud of them in itself shows that you're not as bad as you think you are." I began. I was glad to see that he wasn't going to argue… at least not right away. He was listening.

"I know you think so, but you didn't have a choice back then. You didn't know there was any other way to live. And I know what you're thinking, but it doesn't matter if you enjoyed it or not. Maria was your creator; your only source of reference for how things worked. You worshiped her and trusted her. If she told you to enjoy it, you did.

"Even then you were unhappy. As soon as you found a way out of the fighting, you left that life behind. That's a hard and scary thing for a vampire to do, suddenly changing everything. The fighting, the wars were gone, but living at the expense of others you were still unhappy. Can't you see how that says something about you?

"And when you found another way to live you committed to it and you've stuck to it ever since. No matter how hard it's been for you and no matter what they have done to convince you you're weaker, you still stuck to it.

"Jasper, you could have given in so many times, but you haven't. You've never given up. You take the fact that you still sometimes have the impulse to mean you're weak, but don't you see? The fact that you still resist each time _despite_ the impulse means you're strong.

"I'd have done the same, you know." I told him and his eyes locked on me in interest, surprise, and confusion. "If I were turned the way you were I would have worshiped Maria and done what she told me to do. I would have fought wars and fed on humans. I'd have killed the newborns. I'd have been miserable and I'd have found a way out and taken it.

"When I found out there was another way to live, I'd have tried my damndest to live it and despite my pain, despite my_ mistakes_ I would have kept trying because I would have known there was no other choice." I placed my hand in his, staring deeply into his eyes; a challenge of sorts. "Would you have thought poorly of me, Jasper? Would I not have been worthy of your friendship or love?"

Silently, he looked down. It seemed as if he was trying to take in what I was trying to explain, but it was almost as if it were in a foreign language.

"You really don't see it, do you?"

"What?"

"How strong and how _good_ you are."

"No." he whispered.

"I don't know you that well… or at least I _didn't_ before now, but Jasper, even I can see how good you are. I'm angry and sad at all the time we missed, but I'm proud to know you now and prouder still that you'll have me for a friend.

"Hmmm…" he considered a moment. "I'll make you a deal."

"What deal?" I asked, a little curious and a little on edge.

"I'm willing to consider that you may be right. No one's ever put it that way before and it sounds… logical, I guess. I'll try to see myself more clearly and I'll try to trust your assessment of me – IF"

"Uh oh. I was all excited and proud until you added the 'if'."

"That's what makes if a deal… IF you'll do the same."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"I'm not the only one who doesn't see myself clearly."

"I haven't heard _that_ one before…" I hedged.

"Has it occurred to you that you continue to hear it because it's true?"

"Okay…" I conceded, though not gracefully. "So, tell me."

"You think you're clumsy, uninteresting, and plain." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Yes. But that's because I am."

"I am willing to consider that I believe myself weak because they tell me I am, but you must consider the idea that you are not as clumsy and accident prone as you believe yourself to be. Some of it may be normal and some may be that you've been told you're clumsy all your life."

"But I _am-"_

"No arguing. If you've been told that all your life, it's what you've come to pay attention to. You have to let me show you. Deal?"

"This doesn't sound good."

"Deal?"

"Okay, fine. But if I end up in the hospital…"

"No negativity. Now you have to try to see yourself the way I do."

"Okay… I'll try." I agreed, skeptically.

"You are wonderful, Bella. You're smart and fun, fiercely loyal, you're selfless and strong – probably the strongest person I know – you're brave and forgiving. I love your taste in books and music, you're a good listener and a good friend, and you're fun to be around. And Bella, you're not going to like to hear this, but…" he swept my hair from my face and captured my gaze "you're absolutely beautiful. You're the opposite of ordinary."

I stared into his earnest gold eyes in wonder. What he was telling me was hard to believe, but how could I doubt him when I could feel the admiration behind his words. I didn't move or speak; I just sat there looking at him for a long time.

"Bella?"

"I'll try." I promised.

"Then I'll try, too." He pledged.

"That's all I ask."

**Awww. They're so sweet… Don't you just want them to kiss already? Me too, but they can't. Not yet. At least they won the one shot poll though, so they get together somehow… Do we like the 'lovey-dovey secret place go for a walk' Bella and Jasper???**


	10. A Little Shopping and a Big Decision

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

We headed back toward the house when my stomach's persistent grumbling gave me away. I hated to leave the oasis of the forest that separated us from the rest of the world. I had truly found a good friend in Jasper – a best friend, probably – and I knew that as soon as we stepped back into reality, things wouldn't be this easy.

"Have a good time?" Alice chirped as soon as we were in the door. "I ordered you a pizza."

"Thank you so much, Alice!" I told her. "I'm starving!"

"Come on!" she urged, dragging me toward the couch "Movie night!"

"Sounds really nice, actually. I'm worn out and it's still early enough that we can get a couple in before I have to sleep. What are we watching?"

"Pride and Prejudice and Romeo and Juliet."

"Sounds perfect! Girl's night!"

"Does that mean I'm not invited?" Jasper asked with mock solemnity.

"Of course you are, Jasper. It can be a girls - and guys who like girls - night. How's that?" He laughed and settled himself on the loveseat. It wasn't a sound I had ever heard before today, and one I hoped to hear a lot more of.

I grabbed myself some pizza and a can of Coke while Alice popped in the first movie. She settled herself in next to Jasper on the loveseat, so I headed for the chair, but she stopped me.

"Come here, Bella. You can't have movie night from all the way over there. Besides, I know you've missed this." She pulled me into her lap, and plate in one hand, open drink in the other, it was all I could do not to fall or drop my dinner. She was right, though. I had missed this.

There was something familiar and comforting about the cool stone feel of a vampire that relaxed me and made me finally feel at home. I sat on Alice for the whole movie, draping to an almost fully reclined, cradled position by the end, my feet in Jasper's lap.

Being with the two of them was so uplifting that it felt as if it had always been this way. Worn out from the long hike, I was half asleep when Alice got up to put in Romeo and Juliet. She shifted me to Jasper's lap to switch it, and I was out before she had hit play.

I woke up to Jasper's cool touch on my face and the early dawn light creeping through the window.

"Bella…" he murmured, his voice soft and low.

"Jasper?"

"Mmhm. Hon, I can feel Alice bouncing up and down from here. She won't make it much longer and I thought you'd rather she wasn't the one to wake you."

"Thank you, Jasper." I told him, dreading the day, but grateful for his interference to its beginning. "Did you carry me to bed? I don't remember moving."

"Yes. You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you."

"Did you stay again?"

"Yes." I wasn't sure whether to feel guilty for monopolizing his evenings, flattered that he thought so much of me, happy to have such a good friend, or embarrassed that he had spent the last two nights watching me sleep.

"Thanks…" I finally said, blushing. "You know… you really don't have to stay with me every night."

"I know. You know… you're pretty interesting when you sleep."

"Oh no!" I groaned. "What did I say, now?"

"It doesn't matter, Bella. And it was nothing embarrassing."

"It matters to me, Jasper and I'll be the judge of what's embarrassing. What did I say?"

"You said you love me." he told me, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand.

"Well that's not embarrassing." I told him, taking his hand and pressing it against my cheek. "I do love you."

"I know." He said seriously "I love you, too."

"You're my best friend." I told him. It was true. "The best friend I've ever had."

"And you're mine."

"Yeah, yeah! Best friends… love you, too… blah, blah, blah… LET'S GO ALREADY!" Alice barged in barking commands like a drill sergeant.

"Yea! Shopping! Can't wait…" I replied, sarcastically, but I grabbed my bag and headed for the refreshing abilities of the shower.

I insisted on breakfast before shopping. I needed the energy. Even accounting for all the time it took me to shower, dress, and cook and eat eggs it was still only six-thirty when I finished brushing my teeth and running a brush through my hair and Alice was still hurrying me along.

"You know, Alice… we weren't going to leave till mid-morning. Angela's probably still asleep."

"Of course she's not, sleepyhead! I called her yesterday to tell her when we'd be there to pick her up and she'll be ready when we get there…. IF we ever get there!" She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Okay, Alice… I love you, but this is enough. You're going to have to calm down or I'm not going shopping with you." I told her seriously. I was really beginning to get tired of her steamrolling me. "You need to curb your enthusiasm and start treating me like you care a little about how I feel and what I want."

It was harsh, I knew, and I hated to do it, but I had fought too hard for my freedom to let someone else monopolize me again. Jasper appeared on the stairs and I thought he was going to be angry at me for blowing up at his wife, but he just smiled.

"Don't feel guilty, Bella. I'm proud of you. Besides, Alice isn't hurt, she's impressed." A small wave of calm and confidence came over me courtesy of Jasper and I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying the sensation.

"Thanks Jasper." I told him when I finally opened them again.

"My pleasure, Bella." He replied, a smile in his voice. He kissed us both on the cheek as we headed out the door. As I walked to the car, I considered his words. Getting further away from him, I was losing his influence and I once again began to doubt myself.

Alice hadn't said a word since I'd barked at her. She'd stood there with a blank shocked expression when it'd happened, snapping out of it only to accept Jasper's kiss and head toward the car. Was she mad at me? Had I hurt our friendship? I decided it didn't matter.

I couldn't apologize for what I had said, and a friend should be able to stand up for themselves and demand to be treated decently without risking the friendship. If she couldn't see that, well… it was her choice, regardless.

When I reached the car, she opened my door for me. She kissed me on the cheek as I slipped in. "You worry too much, Bella."

"Yeah, probably." I mumbled as she closed my door. She was right, though. I did worry too much. And we were fine.

"What are you getting today?" I asked her as we pulled out onto the main road toward Ang's house.

"Oh, you know… a little of everything." She smiled at the thought.

"You really love shopping don't you? I mean, you just went yesterday and look at you!"

"Doesn't everyone?" she asked, rhetorically.

"No. No they don't."

"Don't worry." She told me. "You will today… you are going to find the _hottest_ pair of jeans.

She was right, of course. Never bet against Alice, even if it's about something as impossible as enjoying shopping. We had a blast. Alice put on a fashion show worthy of a runway, but concentrated on her own purchases, not running me in and out of the changing room until I had tried on everything in the mall.

The three of us never stopped laughing the entire day and I was able to supplement my wardrobe amazingly well. Everything I bought was my own taste and made me feel good when I wore it, and of course, I found the _hottest_ jeans.

We hit the food court halfway through and I loaded up on pizza and Coke to make up for the workout I was getting. Alice took the opportunity to run some bags out to the car.

"I'm glad we decided to go shopping." Angela told me when we were alone.

"Yeah, me too. I'm actually having fun."

"It's good to see you back to your old self again. In fact, you seem… happy – happier than I've ever seen you."

"Yeah. I am. It feels like everything is falling into place for me. I feel good."

"What changed? Edward?"

"I guess so, yeah. I'm finally free to live my own life." I chewed another bite or two, contemplating the new direction my life had taken. "Oh! Guess what… I made a new friend."

"Who?"

"You'll never guess…" I told her, toying with her just a bit. "Not in a million years."

"Rosalie?"

"No way!"

"Who then?"

"Jasper."

"Jasper Hale?" she asked, shocked. I nodded.

"No way!" she squealed. "What's he like?"

"He's incredible." I told her. "I've never connected like this with anyone."

"Well, good for you. We should all hang out sometime."

"Yeah. Maybe we will."

"Will what?" Alice asked as she slipped into the seat beside me. She would already have heard, but she had to keep up human appearances, after all.

"Hang out sometime. All of us with Jasper." I said, leaning back into her. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight enough that I could relax against her. I loved the reassuring cool stone feel of her and I found myself smiling naturally.

"Yeah! That would be fun. Ben, too." She replied.

"Yeah. Let' do it." Ang said.

When she had finished eating, she and I headed to the bookstore while Alice went to look at jewelry. I found several good books that I decided would start my collection on the shelves of my new room at the Cullen house.

Before we called it an afternoon, we headed to the spa for manicures and pedicures. It wasn't bad, actually. For once I didn't mind being spoiled. I sat between Alice and Angela and listened as they gossiped. I was amazed at how out of the loop I had allowed myself to become and was content to sit back and take it all in as they did the talking.

"Thanks for coming with me Ang." I told her as I helped her carry her bags into her house.

"I had a really good time." She told me. "We should do this again."

"Yeah… maybe in six months." I chuckled. I may have had fun today, but I hadn't become a shopaholic.

"See ya." She said, with a final wave and a smile.

Alice drove us back to the Cullen mansion in silence. I both dreaded and appreciated the opportunity to think. I was now enjoying my life, but realized I had been avoiding thinking as much as possible. I had somehow made it through the entire weekend without reaching any resolution about my future.

There's a lot to be said for taking life as it comes and trying not to worry about tomorrow, but there's also something to be said for planning ahead. I bought books for my new room, for example, but was it my new room? Would I keep it?

I had made plans with Angela, but should I be fostering a relationship that would realistically have to end if I decided to become a vampire. Finals were coming up… did I care? I hadn't studied… did it matter?

I had so many thoughts running circles in my head. If I decided I wanted it I could be a vampire, but what would that mean for my life? What would I tell Charlie? Would we move away right away? We would have to, I guess…

It wouldn't have to be right away. Did I want to go to college? Alice and Jasper would probably go with me. I could have Charlie, Renee, and Angela a little longer.

Could I become a vampire? Could I do that to Edward? He had messed up bigtime. He had become an overbearing control freak and lost me, but he had worked so hard to protect me from this life. Could I make him watch me live it despite his efforts?

Could I _not_ become a vampire? I didn't want to give up the Cullens. They were my family and I loved them. I had finally connected with Jasper. I didn't know if I could give him up now even if I had to. And it seemed Alice was finally letting me be myself a little bit. I couldn't just say goodbye to my family.

"Alice?" I asked, tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"You've seen it?"

"Seen what?" she asked, a wrinkle in her brow.

"My future."

"Bella," she warned. "You know I can't-"

"No. I'm not asking what it is. I just…" I let out a huge sigh. What _did_ I want? "It's happy?" I asked her, nervously "Everybody's happy?"

"Everybody's happy, Bella." She assured me. Taking my hand, she gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Everything's going to be okay." She said, and I believed her.

Sometimes in life you have to jump in with both feet. I was luckier than most in that respect, at least. I had Alice to tell me if I made the wrong choice. This time, though, I had the feeling I wouldn't need her. I had made my choice.

**A new best friend and a new pair of jeans… can't beat that. Bella's made her choice. Is it the right one? What do you think?**

**As many of you know, I'm writing two novels. Fan fic is fun and it helps with my writing, too. Many of you have asked for a Jasper POV. Writing a book, I can't cheat like that. One of the challenges is getting the other characters' thoughts, feelings, and experiences into the story in another way, so I can't do it here. Maybe if enough people PM me and request it, I'll do a one shot or a story from his POV.**

**In the spirit of improving my writing, I need your help. Okay, guys… I have a challenge for you. The reviews are getting really good. They're becoming more and more detailed and I really appreciate the time you're all taking to do them. Thanks. Here's your challenge… **

**PLEASE tell me what you like still, but this time, tell me something bad; find a mistake, a typo, something out of character, something wrong with the plot, something you don't like about my writing style. It doesn't have to be from this chapter, or even from this story. I know you can do it guys. Now when I say go, hit the Review button… GO!**


	11. Thanks for all your help

Since I always enjoy your reviews and since you took the time to help me out, I thought I'd ease your mind. The Esme experience was exactly what I was referring to with the POV dilemma. Bella wasn't there for what happened and she can't get in Jasper's head to find out why he's suddenly so interested or in Edward's head to find out why he's allowing any of this, so Esme explains it.

Jasper isn't romantically involved with Bella yet, but I am putting in all the touching and I love you's for a reason; not just with Jasper, but with the Cullens in general. Want to know the secret? They'll fall in love with each other long before they'll allow themselves to admit it and long before they do anything about it. With a history of kissing cheeks, holding hands, brushing back hair, etc. can you imagine how Bella will feel when these simple gestures begin to mean more to her? 'He can't possibly feel anything for me. This is the way he's always acted. Stop feeling like this...'

Alice has told Bella how excited she is about what's coming, but that's the best I can do for her right now. She can't ruin it, so she has to keep her mouth shut and act normal, mostly, but already she's changing. She insisted on Bella shopping, but didn't force her own style on her for once... curious??? She knows Jasper will like Bella's own style on her.

As for Edward, he'll get his chance. There's a reason he just rolled over and took it, and he can't play civil forever, especially when that reason goes up in smoke via Jasper.

I really hope you're enjoying the way the story is moving along. It's fun to write. I like to find out what the characters will do next as much as you do, so I'm updating as often as I can manage. I love to talk about the story with anyone who will listen, so please review, PM me, let me know what you think, what you're wondering about.

I got some really good suggestions to work on and have heard some things from more than one person, which really goes a long way to point out needed improvements. Thanks everyone for your support. I don't want to post a note without a chapter, but I didn't want this note on a chapter, either, so I'm posting the next chapter now.

Since you all helped me out, I'm also working on a little present for you… second place in my one-shot poll…. Yummy….


	12. The Reaction

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

**If you want to thank someone for this chapter, you can thank some of my favorite reviewers JaspersBella, Jessi ver2.0, shellebean, and especially NCChris, without whom I wouldn't have written a word of fanfic yet! Thanks, guys… for spurring me on.**

Jasper was waiting at the door when we pulled up to the house. I would have paid anything to see the amazing smile on his face.

"What has you so happy?" I asked him as he opened my door. Alice was already inside with her first load of bags, no doubt hanging them all in her closet.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He told me. "I could feel your emotions before you hit the driveway. So, you tell me… what has me so happy?"

"Family meeting." I whispered in his ear.

"Family meeting." He said at a more normal volume. They would hear. "My lady…" he said, offering me his arm.

"Good sir." I accepted, heading in to face my future. They were all at the table before we had walked through the door.

"Bella," Carlisle nodded "welcome home. I trust you had a pleasant shopping trip with Alice?"

"Now, Carlisle…" I asked "_Why_ would you trust that? Shopping has never been my favorite thing, you know." Emmett laughed until Rose smacked him rather loudly. "_However,_" I continued before he could be too disappointed "as a matter of fact, I _did_ have a pleasant time shopping with Alice today. Thanks for asking."

"I assume it was you who called this meeting?"

"It was."

"And what is your business?" he continued.

"I've come to a decision about becoming a vampire."

"And what decision is that?" he asked.

Jasper reached around Alice to squeeze my hand and I felt a surge of confidence and strength; I felt ready for anything. "I've decided I'd like to be a part of this family… if you'll have me. I want to become a vampire."

The reaction in the room was overwhelming and instantaneous. All at the same time, Carlisle nodded his understanding, somehow looking happy and relieved and yet saddened at the thought of voluntarily taking human life, Esme cried out her joy for me, Rose sat back in her chair clearly wanting to murder whoever was responsible for this waste of human life, Emmett boomed his big laugh, welcoming me to the family in style, Alice was bouncing up and down and squealing loudly.

Edward stormed off, absolutely enraged the moment the words left my mouth, which didn't surprise me; he had never wanted this for me and I knew he wouldn't take it well. Jasper's hasty departure, however, caught me off guard.

Just a few days before, I might not have noticed his disappearance at all, but things had changed in the last couple of days, and he had become a central part of my world. My new best friend, a man whom I had come to care a great deal about, upon hearing my intention to become a vampire, joining his family for an eternity, had walked out on me.

"Bella?" Alice asked, clapping her hands in my face to capture my attention. "Bella!"

"Hmmm?"

"Where did you go? I've been trying to get your attention forever."

"Sorry, Alice…" I managed to mumble through the fog that had descended over my mind. I shook my head to clear it, turning to meet her eyes. "It's been a long day. I… I think I'd just like to go home, now. Okay?"

"Sure, hon." She told me, rising from the table.

I should have known, of course, that I wouldn't make it out of there that easily. Rose huffed out without another word, but everyone else wanted hugs, wanted to tell me how happy I had made them, and to discuss the details of the matter. I conceded to the former two, postponing the latter, and made it out of there in less than fifteen minutes. I never saw Jasper.

Though Alice drove, we took my truck, which meant it was still a longer drive than I wanted to endure and for probably the first time, I actually _wished_ for Cullen driving at its finest. Though Alice tried to talk to me a time or two during the ride, after my apparent temporary lack of communication skills, she gave up, leaving me to my thoughts.

"Thanks, Alice." I mumbled as I stepped out of the decrepit truck. Until she opened my door, I'd had no idea that we'd arrived.

"See you Tuesday." She told me.

"Tuesday?" I asked, absently.

"Yep. Tomorrow's going to be sunny again. It's a really weird year. Most sun we've ever seen in Forks…" She trailed off, realizing I wasn't really paying attention. "Anyhoo…" she said, waving and turning toward the woods "Have a good night."

"Goodnight, Alice." I managed "Thanks again."

"Bells? That you?" Charlie questioned as I walked through the door, juggling my bags.

"Yeah." I called back.

"Have a good weekend?"

"Yeah. I'm really tired, though. I think I'll head up early."

"Okay." He said, already immersed again in the game on TV.

I flopped into my bed with a huge sigh and threw my pillow over my head.

I didn't want to think; I tried not to, but the thoughts were pounding into my head, crashing into me with every heartbeat. Angry, I threw the pillow across the room, put in some of Phil's music and turned it up as loud as it would go. Charlie had never heard me blast any music before and surely he wouldn't begrudge me this. At any rate, I didn't _care_ what Charlie thought at this point. I only wanted to escape the thoughts that were torturing me.

Edward hated me. He didn't want me around him for all of eternity, and I understood that; I expected it. Rose hated me. She had always hated me. I didn't expect that she would be all sunshine and roses when I told her I was giving up the human life she envied without another thought.

Jasper…

Jasper… He had walked out of that room without a word and disappeared. He didn't want me… We had gotten along so well. He understood me. I could see through him. We hit it off from the very beginning and got so close so fast and now…

He didn't want me around. He didn't want me to become a vampire. What could that mean? Maybe he had just been being polite. He had felt my pain and did his best to make me feel better. He would have done that for anyone and I had taken it the wrong way. He didn't want me in his family. He just walked away…

No. That couldn't be right. We had more than that. He and I had connected. I had never connected like that before with anyone. He was my best friend, but… if he was my best friend, why did he disappear the moment I said 'forever'?

Somewhere in my musing I drifted. That night I dreamt of Jasper…

"_I'll be your friend forever Jasper." The sunlight shining through the southern windows to his study lit him to a brilliant glow. I stepped closer, reaching out to take his hand._

_He flinched away from me. Stepping back, he shook his head slowly, turned and walked away, closing the door behind him. I stood frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't call out to him. He didn't even say goodbye. How could he not have even said goodbye?_

"_Jasper! Wait!" I called out, racing to the door. I opened it, looking down the hall, but couldn't see him. "Jasper!" I yelled again, dashing down the stairs as fast as my legs would carry me, not caring if I fell. I saw him in the entryway. _

_He turned back to glance at me, his expression disappointed and full of pity, before stepping through the door forever. "Jasper… Don't do this… Don't go away!" I pleaded, making my way toward him. Ignoring my cries, he stepped through the door and I knew he was not coming back again. "Jasper! No! " I screamed, chasing after him._

_I watched in helpless horror, tears streaming down my face, as he stepped into the woods and disappeared. I couldn't catch him; I knew I couldn't, but I still tried, running toward the place I had seen him dissolve into emptiness. My life would be emptiness without him._

"_Jasper… I whispered into the isolation of the forest. "I love you… I'm in love with you… Don't go…."_

**Short, I know… but it's something. She knows she's in love now, at least in her dreams. Hope you liked the little snack. Please review. It makes me smile to see all those little hugs and kisses in my mailbox.**


	13. In my Room

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

I woke with a start at a noise at my window. Sitting up abruptly, the blood rushing from my head and making me dizzy, I turned toward the source of the noise, blinking hard to clear my eyes and trying to focus them in the darkness of the room.

"Jasper?" I whispered as his silhouette came into view. He nodded, an apologetic look on his face, and I stood, stumbling to the window to let him in. I hadn't left it unlocked since breaking up with Edward. Half asleep, I fumbled with the lock and when I struggled to lift the awkward frame, he slid it easily aside.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked me, his brow wrinkled with concern. Swaying on my feet, I shuffled back to bed, dropping my dead weight to the invitingly soft surface with a sigh.

"Come in…" I yawned at him when he remained in his perch. In one smooth move, he was on the floor in front of me. Towering over me, his already tall frame seemed considerably larger and a little too intimidating for – I looked at the clock – four a.m. "Sit down." I told him, and he obeyed, sitting on the bed so lightly I didn't even feel it shift beneath me.

"Are you alright?" he asked again, his voice unsure, yet insistent. I struggled to look at his beautiful face, but saw only concern there.

"It's four a.m., Jasper… I'm _asleep_."

"I'm sorry, Bella." he muttered apologetically "I'll just go and let you rest." As he began to rise to leave, I grabbed his arm and pulled him down again, taken by surprise at how strong and muscular he was. Suddenly feeling a flash of something inappropriate, something more than admiration, I quickly shook the feeling off with another flash – this one embarrassment – before Jasper could notice, not taking the time to pinpoint what it was I had felt.

"Don't." I told him. "Why are you here?" It wasn't like him to drop by my room… or maybe it was now? He had stayed with me at the house.

"Alice sent me." he admitted, looking down shamefully. "She yelled at me, actually."

"She what? Why?" I asked, suddenly wide awake. I sat up to face him and really looked at him for the first time tonight. He didn't look good. He was haggard and disheveled. His eyes were dark, his expression grim. "What did she say?" I asked sympathetically, trying to reign in my emotions before they hurt him more.

"She said… 'What the hell did you do to her? You get over there right now and make this better!' then she gave me a shove out the door." She was… her emotions were…. She wasn't happy."

"Jasper…" I spoke softly. Tears were beginning to form in my eyes. Whether they were a manifestation of his emotions or sympathetic tears, I couldn't tell. "Look at me." When he finally complied after a long, torturous moment my heart ached for him. His dark eyes conveyed every bit of sadness, regret, guilt, shame, and desolation coursing through him.

"I'm fine." I told him, trying to keep my voice even and fighting back tears. "Please… I don't know why she said those things. I don't know why she sent you here. Just… please stop feeling this way. Look… I'm okay. It's okay." I took his ice cold hand in both of mine, rubbing it soothingly and hoping my warmth might provide a distraction for his pain.

Leaning forward, he laid his forehead gently on mine, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. I felt his emotions shift as his pain and uncertainty melted away. Eventually, he smiled. I simply held very still, not wanting to make this harder for him, and tried to ignore the tingle that ran through my body and the way his close proximity dazzled me.

"There." He said, finally. He kept his face where it was, opening his eyes and squeezing my hand. "Better?"

"Better." I replied. I closed my eyes and focused, forcing myself to sit up. I immediately missed the touch of his face on mine. I tried not to think of the implications of that.

"I don't understand why Alice sent you here." I told him.

"I told you… she's mad at me because I upset you…" he looked down. Taking my hand from his, I tilted his chin up to look at me.

"Let's not start this again, hmm?" I asked him. When he nodded against me, I returned my hand to his and attempted not to notice the effect it had on me.

"It's because I left… after you said you wanted to join the family." He continued, trying to hold my eyes, but I could tell he wanted to bow his head in shame. "Bella, I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Why _did_ you leave? I mean… if… if you don't want me, you could have just…"

"Honey, is that what you thought? That my leaving meant I didn't want you? Bella, I'm flattered you care enough about me for that to upset you, but that's not why I left."

"Then, why?" I asked. "Why _did_ you leave?"

"I should have been there for you, Bella. You're my best friend and there's no excuse." Sincerity blazed in his expression.

"Tell me…"

"When you came home from shopping you were absolutely beaming. I felt your happiness, excitement, and anticipation before you turned into the drive. I was basking in it. When you announced your intentions… I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion that crashed into me.

"Can you imagine the whirlwind of emotion that went swirling through that room? After your lovely ambiance of contentment and exhilaration the whole atmosphere shifted to one of confused emotions of joy, but also of pain, denial, grief, anger, rage. I was taken by surprise, Bella. I'm sorry."

"Jasper, I forgive you. There's nothing to forgive." I told him. Scooting back against my headboard, I scooped up a pillow and settled it in my lap. Trying to distract him from his guilt, I shifted the subject slightly, hoping to satisfy my own curiosity, as well.

"So tell me what everyone is feeling."

"Hmmm. Let's see. It was fast and confusing, but Alice was excited - even before you said it because she knew what was coming. Esme felt absolute joy; nothing else. Emmett was happy and excited. Carlisle was a little harder. He was happy; relieved even, but anxious, analytical, resolved, wavering - a little regret lingered there. Overall, though, I'd say happy. He doesn't like to take a life and clearly he was going over the details, but he wants you in this family, Bella. He loves you."

"Go on." I told him, knowing the reason for the pause that followed his words.

"Rose is mad. Of course she is. You know it's not because of you, right?" I shrugged non-committally. I didn't know that – not really. "She really likes you, Bella. She loves you, even. She thinks of you as a sister. If she didn't, she wouldn't bother worrying about what you're missing. Surely you can see that…"

"No, I haven't seen that. But I'll look for it from now on. Okay?"

"Good."

"Edward?" I still loved Edward – more as a brother, now… an annoyingly overprotective one, but I loved him, nonetheless. I hated hurting him. I didn't regret my choice; I had to live my life for me, but that didn't mean I enjoyed the pain it caused him.

"Fear, pain, grief, sadness, regret, guilt… those were all there, lingering… but anger, rage… even hate…" he shook his head to clear it, pained even by the memory of the feelings.

"And you?" I asked, trying to distract him again "How do _you_ feel?" I realized as soon as I asked it just how much his answer meant to me. It meant a lot – more than it should.

"I didn't really have _time_ to feel, Bella. Everything was just so… overwhelming. I ran out of there and kept running. I hunted before I went back, hoping things would calm down and I tried to _not_ think, to _not_ feel. When I got back, Alice sent me here.

"You didn't answer my question, though, Jasper… How do you feel?"

"Well, I guess that depends."

"On?"

"On _why_ you're becoming a vampire…"

_Apparently because I'm in love with you._ That wasn't true and I knew it. I decided long before I had that wretched dream and besides… that's all it was – it was a dream. I am _not_ in love with Jasper…

Hadn't he asked me something? Oh yeah… why _did_ I want to be a vampire?

"Because I love you… all of you. And I want to be a Cullen. I belong in that family" He pondered a long moment before answering. I began to worry - more than I should have – but what if he didn't want me?

"Bella, I worry about forcing this life on anyone…" he said, solemnly "I would hate to think you were giving up your human life because of me… because of _us_." I looked down, but he moved closer, tilting my chin to look at him. I tried to ignore the way his nearness thrilled me; the way his presence dazzled me… the fact that he was in my bed, in my room, alone with me, in the dark…

His eyes burned with intensity when he spoke. "But you know your own mind, Bella. And you're strong. I trust you to make the choice that's right for you. And I want nothing more than to have you in my family forever." Leaning forward, he kissed my forehead lightly and it was like being home.

"Sleep now, Bella…" he murmured as he lowered me into the bed. The haze of sleep that clouded my mind kept me from objecting – or even wanting to – and I drifted into peace and stillness.

"Goodnight, love." He whispered, and I was gone, swallowed into oblivious sleep.

**What do we think of the new developments? Review and let me know how I'm doing, please. I need a boost of motivation. This story wants to go to sleep on me.**

**PS. Second place in my one-shot poll Carlisle/Bella is up. Check my profile.**


	14. Shake it off, Bella

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

Morning crept into my window to find me well rested and content. I moved about my morning busily, straightening up after Charlie's homecoming and pouring myself a bowl of cereal. My life seemed to be falling into place. It wasn't the way I'd pictured it, but I wouldn't have changed it, either.

I was joining the only family I wanted and the thought of forever with my beloved Cullens had me humming to myself as I crawled into my truck and headed for school. I supposed I didn't have to go to school at all. In fact, I could probably just go to the Cullen's house now and start living forever, but I thought it better for Charlie if things didn't happen just now, and knowing forever was coming meant I could wait a little while longer.

School was a blur; an endless parade of daydreams. I couldn't say what happened there, but the day went by quickly and easily enough and my distraction seemed to have gone unnoticed in the midst of excitement which follows everyone in the last couple of weeks of school.

I was glad Jasper had talked to me. I'd been heartbroken at the thought of him not wanting me around and had truly been confused as to where to go with that. Now that I knew he wanted me in his family, things were the way they were supposed to be. I needn't have worried; I should have known him better than that.

As hard as I tried not to think of the implications of my dream, I couldn't escape it. 'It doesn't mean anything.' I'd tell myself again and again, but I couldn't shake it. I wasn't in love with Jasper. Honestly, I wasn't. I loved him deeply; we had become very close, but I wasn't in love with him.

More disturbing than the dream, though, had been my reaction to him after it. Jasper was gorgeous, of course, as they all were, but I'd never lusted after him, had never had any true sexual attraction to him. But last night when I'd touched him something had happened. A thrill went through me that was more than friendly.

I had to put all thoughts of Jasper out of my head; I had to banish him from my mind. He was my friend – nothing more. And he was married to Alice, who was my best friend, and soon – my sister. I knew I couldn't control what I dreamed about. And I refused to feel guilty about something I couldn't control. People dream all kinds of strange things.

Climbing into my truck, I waited for a space in the traffic. Seeing one clear, I began backing slowly into the line, but Tyler Crowley pulled out quickly from the space behind mine, filling the gap and causing me to have to hit the brakes hard to avoid a collision. That kid was going to kill me with his driving one of these days.

With a huff of exasperation, I closed my eyes as I threw my head back against the headrest. My neck exposed to the air streaming from the vent, a tingle went through me. Jasper's soft lips were there on my neck. His sexy tongue darted out to touch my skin…

Shaking away all thoughts of Jasper, I checked again and found that the space had cleared. I pulled into the line, making my way out onto the main road. I needed to stop this – this… whatever it was – and I needed to stop it now. I was not going to lose two good friends and the only family I have ever really known just so I can lust after someone who is taken and who would never –never – want me, regardless.

Caught up in my errant thoughts, I didn't notice until I was pulling into the winding drive that led to the Cullen mansion that I wasn't heading home. So much for good intentions. Here now, there was nothing I could do. They'd have heard me coming, and I'd look a bit strange to turn around and head to Charlie's.

As I pulled up in front of the house, Alice waited for me on the front porch; of course she would know I was coming. As I approached her, her face glowed with a gleeful, knowing smile. She looked as if she were in on the greatest secret in the world.

"What has you all excited?" I asked her.

"Oh, nothing." She lied, smugly.

"Bull, nothing. You should see your face."

"I know, but I can't tell you! Believe me, it's driving me crazy…" she moaned. "It's going to be so great, Bella… you'll see. And it's starting already… but it's not time yet."

Yanking my hand, she pulled me into the house, starting toward the stairs. "You'll have to wait and see…" I swung my head around as I struggled to keep up and she noticed.

"He's not back yet." She commented as she dragged me up the stairs.

"Who?" I asked. And there were two I'd been looking for particularly: I was hoping to see Jasper and I was hoping to avoid Edward.

"Neither of them." She replied.

When I saw her intended destination, I really regretted coming. I wanted to run screaming, but she was a vampire. She could catch me.

"Alice…" I grumbled "I really don't feel like playing Bella Barbie today. Besides, I should go home and study for finals."

"Oh, come on…" she replied, pulling me into the chair. "You'll like it this time."

I rolled my eyes at her. Sure I would like it.

"Close your eyes and relax and I'll sing." She told me. She knew I had a soft spot for her melodic voice. It wasn't really fair of her to always use it to her advantage, but it worked. Again.

Closing my eyes and leaning back, I settled in for my usual hours long torture session, but I knew right away something was different. She skipped some of the regular steps and was applying makeup almost immediately. A brush here, a dab there, a smooth cool finger in a couple of spots and she was brushing my hair.

"Alice?" I asked. "Everything okay with you?"

"Sure, Bella." She chirped as she finished my hair. The whole thing start to finish had only taken a couple of minutes.

"This was a lot different than it usually is." I told her, questioning her with my gaze. Well, some things hadn't changed. She didn't let me see yet. I studied her exquisite face as she towed me toward the dreaded closet. She was happy – really happy; probably the most I'd ever seen her. And she was excited. She looked like a kid on Christmas; like I'd given her the best present of her life.

"It's all you need." She shrugged, smiling.

"Since when?" I asked her, hoping to glean some insight into the drastic change.

"Since now." She said, thrusting an outfit into my hands. Looking down, I was shocked. I saw no silk, no satin or lace, no designer gowns or insane lingerie. I was holding a nice, but simple matching bra and panty set in purple, a rock n' roll t-shirt, and a pair of jeans.

"Alice?" I asked, mouth gaping and eyes wide "Do you have a fever?" I reached for her head "I mean… I know vampires don't get fevers, but…"

"You're so silly, Bella." She said. I didn't miss the irony as she handed me a pair of running shoes. Surely they were picked for their cute, but simple style, but I hoped she didn't expect me to use them for running.

"Rose!" she called out, not loudly, but with the same tone and urgency as a yell. "She's done." I had just pulled my shirt over my head to change and was instantly mortified by two things: one, if Rose was involved, this couldn't be good, and two, I really didn't want to change in front of the most beautiful woman on the planet, especially since she hated me.

"Have fun today!" Alice told me with a smirk, skipping quickly from the closet and the room before I could argue.

"Bella?" Rose asked, placing a light knock on the door.

"Yeah." I said, struggling to hurry with my clothes, to no avail. Rosalie strode in looking as gorgeous as ever. She always looked like she belonged on a runway.

"I know you have to run, but would you mind if I talked to you?"

"I don't know what my plans are." I told her honestly. "Alice won't tell me what's going on. But if she called you up here I must have time." Pulling my t-shirt over my head, I focused on anything but her as I continued dressing.

"I just wanted to apologize." She told me. Shocked, I got distracted from my task as I looked up toward her face. My eyes never made it that far as my leg caught in my pants, tumbling me rapidly toward the floor. I braced for the impact that never came.

"E-excuse me?" I asked in disbelief as Rose attempted to steady me, my leg still caught up in the jeans. Surprising me again, she reached down, disentangling me from my snare before releasing me.

"Bella, I haven't always given you a chance." She said apologetically. Peeking up at her, I was surprised to see her looking sheepish and sincere. Quite unable to speak, I just looked down again. "You're a part of this family, Bella. And as much as I didn't want to admit it…"

As she hesitated, I looked up at her again and saw a Rosalie I'd never seen before. Her glowing face was kind and sweet, fiercely protective and loyal… so many of the things I knew about her even though she didn't let me see them. "this family's good for you."

"Where did all this come from?" I asked her. "I thought you hated me."

"I've been kind of a bitch." She admitted, looking sorry and maybe a little proud of herself at the same time. It was an interesting expression. "I do like you. I think of you as a sister already. I just didn't want them to take your life away. And I was mad at them for considering it and mad at you for wanting it."

I had always hoped to be close to Rose, but never truly believed it could happen. Was it possible that she really already thought of me as a sister? "I've always appreciated what you've done for this family. They're so much happier. So full of life. We didn't used to be like this. You've given us your humanity. The thing is… I didn't think we should be taking it.

"When you said you intended to join the family… I hated them for what they'd taken from you. I ran for miles. I was fuming. It all seemed so unfair that you would all be willing to throw away what I've always wanted… what I'd give up eternity for.

"But then I realized that just because it's what _I_ want, that doesn't mean it's what _you_ want. And I want you to be happy." I struggled through my tears to see her perfect face. Her small smile was laced with her own pain, but her words had been sincere. "Considering it objectively, rather than through the lens of my own life, I saw that this is what will make you happy."

"Thank you, Rose." I managed, sniffling. "I really appreciate you telling me all this."

"Come on," she said, dragging me to the Kleenex box on the vanity "Alice will kill me if I ruin her work." She looked me over once as I blew my nose and wiped my eyes – waterproof makeup rocks.

"You look really good, Bella…" she said appreciatively, gesturing toward the full effect. "What's with Alice, anyway?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." I said.

"Well, whatever it is, it sure looks good on you."

**Well, are we liking Rose? Hating her? And what's with Alice? Where are all these sexy feelings for Jasper coming from? And where is she going now?**


	15. Obstacles

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

"Where am I going?" I asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs. Much of the family was there. Rose had gone to stand behind Emmett who sat playing a video game. Edward remained aloof when I spotted him in a corner. It was strange not to interact with him after the history we had, but at the same time I was grateful for his distance. Nothing good could come of talking to him – not yet.

Carlisle had a large map laid out on a table and he and Jasper traced lines with their fingers and spoke in hushed voices. I heard Esme humming in the next room, and Alice flitted here and there, busily rearranging the perfectly arranged bouquets. She looked as if she were hiding something… probably keeping her thoughts from Edward.

"With me." Jasper said, reluctantly pulling his eyes from the map and turning to face me. When his eyes met mine, he froze. I watched the mere instant as they traveled down and up again, taking in Alice's work. He looked… captivated. The expression lasted a mere second, and Edward growled, a low rumble in his chest – almost too soft for me to hear – causing Jasper to turn toward him.

An instantaneous silent discussion took place and he turned back to me. I caught a flash of anger and embarrassment on his face before it calmed to an unruffled and beautiful smile. Looking into my eyes, he again seemed awestruck, though this time as he spoke he seemed relaxed; comfortable. "You look beautiful, Bella."

Blushing, I took his offered hand when he strode toward me to offer it. "Thank you." I managed to mumble. By this point Esme had entered the room and everyone was watching the interaction. It seemed as if they were anticipating something. There was a tense, quiet vigilance to their attention that suggested a threat – violence.

I looked at Edward. The moment my eyes met his he looked away, returning his attention to the occupation in front of him I couldn't see – possibly a book. He was tense, sad, worried… but most of all, he was _angry_. Probably he didn't like to see me spending so much time with Jasper – who he feared could kill me at any moment – but it wasn't his choice to make… not anymore.

All of this – the tension, the silent audience, the fleeting glimpse of Edward's frame of mind – they all registered; tiny details in the recesses of my mind. But it didn't matter – none of it – because Jasper called me beautiful. He had his hand in mine. Jasper called me beautiful.

I tried to reign in my thoughts as he towed me toward the door. I knew the nervous tension of the room was unsettling him and he wanted to make his escape. I only hoped the strain they caused him had covered my errant thoughts. By the time we reached the door they were safely tucked away, as was the guilt they caused. Jasper was my friend – nothing more.

I waited until we had reached the car before I spoke. Handing me safely in, he sauntered around to his side and I once again marveled at the grace a vampire possesses. There had once been a time when it was awkward for me to be handed in to a car, but Edward had long since cured me of it, and I found I appreciated the quiet moment of reflection it provided every time. I just had to make sure that I wasn't reflecting on Jasper.

"What _was_ that in there?" I asked him as he started the engine and pulled away.

"It's… um… Edward just had something to say to me." Had Edward said something to him about hurting me? If he had… I'd kill him.

"About?"

"About… well, the thoughts I had when I saw you." If a vampire could blush, he would have been beet red. He looked down, ashamed; afraid to meet my eyes.

"Which were?" I didn't want to embarrass him, but if he thought he was a threat to me he was wrong. I had to make him see that.

He huffed a huge breath, turning to face me head on, and gazed into my soul with his burning golden eyes. Now _I_ was the one who was captivated. "You're beautiful, Bella." I couldn't blush; couldn't look away. I just stared at him – dazzled. "He didn't like it when I thought that you looked beautiful." Oh. My. God. How was I supposed to control my thoughts and emotions around Jasper Hale when he looked at me with that entrancing stare; when he said things like that? If this continued, I wouldn't be held responsible for my actions.

"Um… Where are we going?" His eyes turned toward the road, releasing me from the thrill and the torture of my prison.

Looking back to me, he smirked devilishly. "You'll see."

"You know I hate surprises." I was grumbling and I knew it, but I really _did_ hate surprises. What was it with this family and surprises?

"You're right, Bella. I do know that." His face softened slightly as he frowned in concentration. "I'm taking you to a place in Port Angeles. They have an obstacle course there." He looked so worried when he told me, I think he expected me to jump out the car.

Truthfully, I was horrified. Why in the world would he think I could survive an obstacle course, let alone enjoy it? I remembered our talk in the forest; the agreement we made, and I knew I had to go. I had to. I wanted Jasper to believe that he could defy his nature; that he was strong and that he could do something he had been led to believe for centuries that he couldn't do.

If I wanted him to get past his negative beliefs of himself, I had to try to do the same for him. And he _was_ trying. Yes, I would try. And like he had told me before – Jasper would never let me fall. I smiled at the thought – actually smiled. I was most certainly losing my mind, but today might not be so bad, after all.

The ride there would have been pleasant, if not for the torture. Jasper was beside me. I could smell him. He smelled so good I just wanted to taste him… wanted to run my tongue along his… STOP IT! Ugh. I had to get ahold of myself. I tried not to look at him, but my eyes drifted to him again and again. Sometimes he would look to me and smile, but he seemed awfully focused on his driving for a vampire.

There was so much tension between us that we couldn't get a conversation started. One of us would speak occasionally, but we could never really get to talking. As we approached the city, I began to be relieved, but remembering the reason we were there as we traversed the city streets, I was terrified.

"You're going to be just fine, Bella." I felt an incredible wave of calm contentment settle over me and I smiled. Taking his hand, I gave it a squeeze.

"I know I will, Jasper… as long as you're there." Our hands still joined, he brought them up to brush my cheek.

"Good girl." I didn't miss it when our hands came to rest on my lap. I was too content to be nervous. I felt the cool stone on my thigh as it seeped through the material of my jeans and a shiver ran through me. If it bothered Jasper he didn't show it.

As we pulled into the parking lot another flash of fear was washed away and he led me in calmly, stopping first to grab a duffel bag from the trunk. It was only then I realized I hadn't even noticed what he was wearing today. My eyes had never made it past his face.

I looked now and my heart stopped. His jeans hung low on his hips and his black t-shirt gracefully traced every line of his muscular chest. The sleeves were rolled slightly, revealing his powerfully built arms. It all pulled together to reveal a cool, sexy man with a mysterious confidence.

As I took him in, he smirked at me, the look one of self-assured ease. He made my knees weak and I didn't know what I could do to stop it. Still under his calm, confident spell, I relaxed into him when he threw his arm over my shoulder, leading me inside.

"Okay, Bella" I vaguely heard his words as we stepped up to the course. I had been a nervous wreck while I changed into the shorts and tank top Alice had packed for me. The dressing room was empty of people, but also of Jasper's reassuring presence. Now that I was with him, I felt a little better, but he wasn't calming me. He wanted me to believe in myself and apparently that included learning to make my own self-assurance.

"You're going to do just fine, honey. I'm going to be right here with you. You know I won't let you fall." He was right, I decided. What could it hurt to try? What did I have to lose? He would catch me if I fell. Looking again at the course before me, I decided to try to master it; enjoy it, even. If I fell, I fell. I wasn't going to let it get the best of me.

The first obstacle before me was a steeply angled structure with treads. I stepped up to it, but as I did it seemed to get taller and began to look impossible. How in the world was I going to climb that without falling off?

"You promised you'd try, Bella… you have to stop doubting yourself: that was the deal. If you fail, you fail. But the deal was you would believe in yourself." And the deal was that he would trust himself around me. He had driven with me all the way to Port Angeles enclosed in a car and now here he was, helping me through an obstacle course.

He was right. I had to stop doubting myself before I tried. I was going to spend the afternoon finding out what I could do, rather than assuming I couldn't. I reached for the first tread and began to climb. The further I went, the better I did. Before long, I was at the top, and by the time I slung my leg over the top I was beaming.

Looking down at Jasper, I saw his smile echo my own and I was proud – proud of the accomplishment, but more so that I could make him feel good. I didn't even have to think when I pulled my other leg over the peak, scrambling down the other side.

"Good job, Bella. Come on." He was very matter-of-fact, not seeming the least bit surprised and I could see his military background coming out in him. He showed me where and how to place my feet so I wouldn't trip on the tires and as I walked through the first set, then ran through the second, I didn't stumble.

As I reached an overhead structure which served as the equivalent of monkey bars, my coordination was fine, but my upper body strength was lacking. Undeterred, I tried again as I fell off, but after my second fall, Jasper put his hands on my hips, taking only some of my weight, but allowing me to accomplish the task.

His cool hands slipped slightly under the hem of my shirt as I wriggled and squirmed my way across, and I was overcome by a surge of lust so powerful I nearly dropped from the rung. Pushing myself hard to finish quickly, I covered the feeling, but surely he must have noticed it.

He was the perfect gentleman, never betraying the feeling with any reaction of his own, and I had to kick myself once again. The rest of the course went much the same; Jasper spotting me when needed, me struggling to do what I could.

He let me know that he expected competency from me and showed no surprise when I completed each task I was given. By the end of the course, I no longer doubted my ability and took each challenge as it came. I had no disasters, no blood, no falls; no run-ins with my clumsiness whatsoever.

By the end I was sore, tired, worn out, and definitely ready for the shower, but I had come to expect more from myself. I had honestly enjoyed the day and had grown much closer to Jasper, watching in awe his belief in me, his ability to take control and yet, give it over, and his strength.

As I showered and dressed in the locker room, finally free to feel my emotions without an audience I chastised myself for feeling the way I had all the times he had touched me. I had grown closer to him, yes… but had I grown too close?

**Well, I know the last chapter sucked. I'm sorry I posted it. I should have fixed it, but I knew you guys were waiting. That's no excuse, though, and I apologize. Does this one help make up for it? Forgive me? Pretty please???**


	16. Feelings

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

"You did well today, Bella." Jasper looked at me with met expectations, nothing more. He knew I could do this – even when I didn't.

"Thank you, Jasper." The car was racing down the road on autopilot, the trees flashing by, the lines on the road a pulsing blur, but as I looked into his beautiful eyes, swirling with honey and cinnamon, the world stood still. He betrayed no emotion; showed no indication that anything at all was different.

Could he not feel the way he affected me? Did he not notice the world stop spinning? How could he miss that my heart was racing, my breathing was labored and irregular? I knew I shouldn't feel this way about him, but I couldn't escape him. He was everywhere – he covered me like a blanket until he was the only thing in the world that was real; the only thing that existed.

It was eternity before the spell was broken. "You're quite welcome." And his voice pulled me in… It was deep and low and smooth, and I would listen to it forever… "It was my pleasure. Really."

Closing my eyes, I finally regained myself and a flash of embarrassment rushed in taking the place of every other thought and feeling I had just experienced. What was wrong with me? I was crushing on Jasper! I fought hard to regain my composure, embarrassed further by the fact that he could feel all this.

"I had a good time." I told him, sure to look out the window to avoid his gaze. "I'm glad you took me."

"Bella," He paused and I glanced over to see him looking down, brow furrowed in concentration. He looked serious and pensive; looked as if he was trying to find the right thing to say. "I have to thank you."

"For what?" Now he had me curious. I studied his face carefully, but it gave nothing away.

"For everything. For being my friend. For trusting me with your life. For believing in me when no one else did." Lost in thought, he paused a moment. When he looked at me again he smiled. "It's easier now." He told me, smiling, and I could feel his pride shining through him; could see it in his eyes – and try as I might to avoid them, I couldn't stay away from those eyes.

"It used to be so hard for me. Anytime I was around humans it was torture. And it was hard for me to be with you, too. It's different now… I can be around you. I know the thirst is there, but I can manage it. I can push the monster back and enjoy my friend."

"I told you it would be that way. You're getting desensitized."

"Yes, you did. But that's not all of it. It's easier now for me to be around other humans, too. You…" he paused again, looking down and I took the time to try to read him without risking his eyes. His head stayed down as he spoke, and I found myself caught up in what he would say as if it were the most important thing in the world. Neither of us noticed the world rushing by us, but the car remained perfectly centered in the lane.

"I've fought this thing inside me for so long, Bella. I've struggled so hard. And no one thought I could win. They all understood; they accepted that I would probably never tame it. And Bella, _you_ saved me." He looked up at me and his eyes were on fire. They burned into me with an intensity that's unimaginable. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't look away. "You took my life and made it something worth living."

"Jasper…" I took his hand. "It was you… It was always you." As he looked down again, shame clear in his bowed head and his hunched shoulders, my heart ached for him. I moved closer, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Jasper… Have you had more trouble when you're around the others?" He looked at me, curious. He focused on my face, trying to guess where I was going with this. "Is it easier when you're on your own?" His nod encouraged me, though he didn't speak. He was still trying to discover my aim.

"Has it ever occurred to you that in the Cullen family you're the weakest link not only because they don't believe in you and you don't believe in yourself, but because you're feeling seven thirsts, rather than one?" His face wrinkled in concentration, but he didn't answer, so I pressed further.

"Do they usually let you alone with humans?"

"Well, no. But…"

"Have you spent any time alone with humans before?"

"Well… no." He was beginning to see what I saw, and he wasn't sure how to take the idea. There was a lot for him to process.

"And now that you're alone with me… how are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, Bella… but…"

"No. Jasper, look at me." I realized my mistake immediately as his eyes, defensive and argumentative, confused, thoughtful, and introspective, after meeting mine shifted to something else, something raw and hungry and powerful.

"You are stronger than you think. And when you're not around them; not feeling their hunger with your own, you do so well. When you're around them – even fighting seven thirsts rather than one – you resist. Jasper… when will you see how strong you are?"

He stopped. The car pulled quietly to the side of the road and he looked at me. He looked at me with intensity blazing in his eyes. It was a look of determination; of purpose and resolve. I stared back at him… my eyes wide, my heart pounding. I forgot breathing entirely: breath was not important in this moment.

Leaning closer to me, he slowly reached for me. The whole world was in slow motion – his every movement unhurried and deliberate. Curling his hand around behind my head, he pulled me to him.

"Bella…" he whispered against me, and my name was a caress on his lips. I shivered as he traced his nose down the long line of my jaw to my chin, back up to my ear, then down my neck to my collarbone. Finally, he came to rest on my pulse point and remained there, inhaling deeply.

I closed my eyes, trying to control the lust that tried to rush through me at his close proximity. I endeavored to feel comfort, love, affection… all the innocent emotions I could manage toward him in this moment, but the lust still struggled through it all.

"You're not afraid…" he murmured against me. It wasn't a question: he could feel the answer for himself.

"No." I insisted firmly "I'm not."

"Bella…" he whispered again into my neck and I melted into nothingness at the mere mention of my name. So gently it almost brought tears to my eyes, he pressed his lips to my neck. It was at this very point that he could choose to take my life, but I knew him; trusted him. He would never hurt me and I strove to make him see.

The kiss was still, gentle, and loving. I understood the reason behind it and I loved him more for it. He wanted to show me – and show himself – that he would never hurt me; that I was no longer a temptation to him, but a person – a friend.

As he pulled away, he looked at me with eyes full of wonder and awe. "You trust me so completely, Bella…" His tone was almost questioning. He still couldn't understand his own strength.

"You won't hurt me, Jasper. I'm not afraid."

"Thank you." It was two simple words, but there was so much in them. As he pulled back onto the lonely highway, coasting once more through the bordering forest, he was introspective. I looked at him as his eyes trained themselves to the road and I could feel him disconnect from me.

What had I done? I tried not to feel it – I honestly did – but somewhere along the line I had messed up… I had fallen in love with Jasper Hale. I was thankful for his inattention for the remainder of the drive as my thoughts and feelings switched to overload. He peeked at me occasionally, but kept his feelings to himself.

We were quiet as we pulled into the garage of the Cullen home – quiet, but once again comfortable. I wondered how much of this feeling had to do with Jasper's gift. Grateful for it in any case, I headed inside to share the good news of my survival with a smile on my face and Jasper's hand in mine.

Tired, but proud, I marched into the house to find no one.

"Hello?" I called out, but I heard nothing. A moment later, Jasper appeared next to me – a note in hand.

"They went to play baseball." He told me, looking at the scrap of paper. "They want me to join them."

"Oh." I said, disappointment closing in on me. "Well, I guess I'll just see them later." There wasn't a storm outside – not yet. It wasn't even raining, but one must be coming if they were going to play. It was fairly routine for me to be with the Cullens and one of them would have called Charlie, but it really was getting late. I would go on home and let Jasper join them.

"Thanks for today, Jasper." I said sincerely, grabbing him up in a huge hug. He stiffened slightly for the briefest moment, but soon relaxed into my warmth, wrapping himself around me and filling me with his own warmth. A moment of wonder ran away with me as I marveled at the way someone ice cold and made of impenetrable stone could feel soft and warm around me.

Jasper smelled so good - I had never smelled _anything_ so good – and I inhaled him deeply, soaking up the beautiful feelings that were flowing from him freely, many of which were probably echoed from my own. I felt truly lucky to have found a friend as good as Jasper. Reluctantly, I pulled away, heading for the door. Jasper followed silently as I dug through my purse for the keys to my truck.

Distracted by the task, I tripped on the steps and in an instant I found myself securely wrapped in Jasper's strong arms. The jolt of shock and adrenaline that struck me was followed instantly by an electric spark running through me at his touch. Holding me closely, he looked down into my eyes as he steadied me on my feet. He held onto me for a moment, allowing me to get my bearings, but I had lost them completely and I struggled to ignore the electricity running through my veins.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to steady myself and slow my pounding heart. This was Jasper. It wasn't right to feel this way about him. If he only knew – how could he not know? – if he only knew the way I was thinking about him he would be disgusted. His eyes searched mine for something unknown as I opened them again, but thought and sanity returned to me, and I pulled away once again and went to my truck.

"Thanks again, Jasper." He closed my door for me, smiling brightly. He was even more breathtaking when he smiled, and I nearly gasped in surprise at the sheer beauty of him.

"You're welcome, Bella." He stepped back so I could pull away and as I did I could feel the string that tied the two of us together pulling; stretching, the further I got from him.

Safely home, I trudged up to the bed, already stiff and sore from the intensity of the course. It had been an exhausting day and I was ready to sleep. Once there, I closed my eyes and was asleep before I took another breath. Not for the first time, I dreamt of Jasper.

**Guys… Thank you all for being so patient with me. I left my husband and my life is upside down right now. I probably would have abandoned this story entirely, but I hate when people do that and I received so many pleas to continue. You all have NCChris and JaspersDestiny to thank for this chapter. They tag-teamed me with PMs of love and encouragement and got me to open the chapter and start writing. I can't say I'll be able to update as often as before, but I'll try not to let the story die. Please review… they keep me writing.**


	17. A turn of events

**I don't own it, I just play with it. Thanks Steph…**

_Awoken from sleep by a knock at my window, I sit up, turning toward the sound. I gasp at the sight before me as Jasper slides the pane effortlessly, climbing into the room. He stalks me silently, his scorching eyes on mine and my heart rate doubles, my breathing quickening toward hyperventilation. I can't control the waves of lust that overcome me, rolling across the ever tightening room to him as slowly, wordlessly, he crosses the small space._

_Closing the distance between us, he leans down, hovering over me, and putting his arms on either side of me, hands on the bed, presses me back with his seductive power alone, never touching me. As I fall back, helpless under his spell, held hostage by his intensely seductive eyes, thought and reason are abandoned and the world disappears into a torrent of pure desire._

_As he drinks in my beauty, hair spilled around me, lip between my teeth, eyes wide, chest heaving with breath, he lets out a low, rough, moan that I feel, more than hear. Leaning into me, he breathes me in, sighing against me and I whimper at his sweet breath as it swirls around me, intoxicating and light. Backing away slightly to take me in again, he smirks at my response to him and the sight is so gorgeous I nearly cum._

_I want nothing more than to touch him, taste him, feel every inch of him as he buries himself deep inside of me, but I'm frozen, captivated, mesmerized by him. His eyes are black, burning, and I'm burning in them._

"_Bella…" his voice is sex; lust and passion. His eyes still scorching into mine, I whimper at the desire pulsing from him. "I want you." And I come undone. His pure raw power pushes me over the edge and I cum for him and he watches me with an intense need that thrills through me, adding to the sensation and I call out his name in my passion and ecstasy._

"_Jasper!"_

Panting and covered by a sheen of sweat, I was awoken by a knock at my window. I sat up with a start, turning automatically toward the sound to see Jasper peering in at me looking sexier than I'd ever seen him. My heart dropped through the floor with an audible gasp the moment I saw him. His pale skin glowed in the faint moonlight with a brilliant luminosity that rivaled any diamond and his hair, dripping wet with rain, hung down into his beautiful eyes. His form fitting shirt, soaked through completely, clung to his perfect body, holding to every line and muscle.

I couldn't move or speak, could only stare at the God before me, and as the seconds ticked by, my breath coming deeper, my whole body tingling in response to him, I came to realize that the look of fire in my eyes was being echoed in his own. Jasper made no move to enter, but remained there, peering in from the dark night with blazing eyes.

Time stood still in that moment. It may have been an eternity, but slowly… slowly, reality began to creep in and I was able to see what was happening. A deep, shuddered breath filled my lungs as I willed myself to composure. Closing my eyes for a moment, I broke the deadly trance, forcing myself to speak. When I did, it came as the faintest whisper… butterfly wings in the breeze.

"Jasper." The sense of lust that had stolen my breath was replaced as I spoke his name by the sway of absolute love that overtook me, and again, I could only look at him intently, and he at me, for an endless time.

"Bella." He murmured. The sound on his lips was warm beaches and Arizona sunsets. Barely a whisper, it carried with it all the emotion of the moment on a blissful wave of devotion and wonderment. I couldn't think – not even to recognize my feelings as wrong. The surge of love within me was too powerful for thought to overcome.

Jasper traversed the window, every bit as smooth and graceful as the predator he was, crossing slowly over to the bed to hover above me. Every nerve in my body was a live wire and I wanted him, wanted all of him

"Bella." He murmured again, reaching out so slowly, so tentatively, to brush a stray lock of hair behind my ear with his gentle fingers. He watched me unceasingly for the longest time, his expression unfathomable. It was want mixed with desperate longing mingled with regret and maybe… shame? Just as I was close to placing his emotions, a wave of calm soothed me as he whispered softly "Sleep, Bella."

Morning came quickly, bringing with it the dream of Jasper. I laid awake in my bed, smiling at the ceiling and trying to decide whether last night had happened. _Had _last night happened? The whole thing had been amazing and I allowed myself to be carried away with the rapture of it. A buzzing next to me caught my attention, jerking me back from reality as my cell phone vibrated on the wood of the end table.

Snatching it up, I looked at the screen. It was Alice: _You're helping me today. Be there in 15._ With the simple text, the entire weight of the world came crashing down on me. Alice. What had I been thinking? How was it possible that I had forgotten Alice? Somehow when I was with Jasper, everything disappeared and we lived in a world all our own.

I had to figure out what to do about Jasper. I couldn't keep doing this. I wanted to be his friend – more than anything – but I couldn't keep _crushing_ on Jasper. He belonged with Alice. Right now, I needed to get ready. The rest would have to wait. Alice would be here in fifteen minutes, and if I wasn't ready there would be hell to pay.

Grabbing my bag, I rushed to the bathroom, busying myself with my morning routine and pushing aside the problems that faced me. Throwing on some jeans and a tank top, I hurried downstairs, the pop tart reaching my hand just as the knock came at the door. I snatched up my purse as I ran to the door, and wrenched it open, literally slamming into Jasper.

"Jasper!" I gasped, righting myself and trying to ignore the electricity coursing over my skin and making its way deep down into my body as his hand steadied me by the arm. "Oh! God, I'm sorry Jasper, I-"

"Bella," came his smooth, heart stopping voice and the smirk that joined it was stunning "It's alright." Oh. My. God. I was speechless, dazzled, and there was no recovering. It was only a moment, but it seemed like forever before he lowered his eyes to release me. Absolutely composed, he offered his arm, a smile on his face. "Shall we?"

"Yes." I took his arm, grateful for the distraction, and we headed toward the car. Inside, Alice watched us patiently and as my swirl of emotion turned to guilt and shame, I attempted a smile, only half convincingly succeeding. Jasper opened the front door for me, handing me in before sliding himself gracefully into the back.

"What are we up to today?" I asked Alice as she sped down the empty road.

"We're cleaning out the closets!" She was her usual perky self. Could she not sense the electricity buzzing through the car? Even unable to see Jasper, I could still _feel_ him.

"That's exciting?"

"It is! Do you know _why?_" I shook my head, studying her face for some clue. "Because we clean out the closets….." she continued, dragging out her words "to make room for _new clothes_!" Despite what I knew this meant…. More torture coming my way…. I still found myself caught up, drawn in by her excitement as she squealed and bounced in her seat. I truly loved my crazy, perky little pixie of a friend. "And do you know what _that_ means???"

"Shopping?" There would be no getting out of it. If Alice wanted to shop there was no stopping her. At least it wouldn't be today.

"Shopping!" she squealed. She reached for the stereo, blasting some music I'd never heard before in a language I didn't know, singing each note flawlessly as she continued to the Cullen house. The moment she parked the car, my door was open, Jasper reaching for my hand. As I took it, I willed myself not to feel anything more than the polite gesture of a friend.

"Where is everyone?" I asked when we stepped inside, my voice echoing through the large empty room.

"Denali" she shrugged.

"Denali?" she nodded her reply, tugging me toward the stairs. "And you and Jasper are what? Babysitting me?"

"No!" she assured me "Of course not!" Great. They were babysitting me.

"Alice….. you're missing your vacation. You shouldn't have stayed behind for me. You should go."

"Bella," she scolded "we are NOT babysitting you. Now get upstairs." Resigned, I looked at my feet, beginning the trek. "Jasper!" I heard behind me "Where do you think _you're _going?"

"Outside." I turned to see him standing guiltily, hands in his pockets.

"Oh no you don't." she chided "you're helping."

"Alice…."

"Don't you Alice me. Get up there." Jasper sighed, giving me a put upon look before climbing the stairs. Rushing to my side, he slowed to a human pace to walk beside me, Alice joining, then passing us. Rushing ahead, always in a hurry, she led us to Rosalie's room and to her closet to begin our day of torture.

"Okay, let's get started." She ordered.

"What do I do?" I asked, fumbling uselessly, unsure of what to do and afraid to touch anything.

"Just get the old clothes and pack them in these boxes. We'll take them to the women's shelter." I looked around the splendidly decorated and perfectly organized closet at what appeared to be a wardrobe composed entirely of new clothes and stood frozen.

"Like this." She said, holding up a specimen. "This is last season. See?" I didn't. I turned to Jasper with a desperate expression, but he only shrugged. At least I wasn't alone in my cluelessness.

"What about this one?" he asked, picking up the gown nearest him and holding it up for her examination and approval.

"No, no, no!" she scolded. "This is brand new!" Shaking her head, she took the gown and hung it in its place on the rack.

"This?" I asked her, picking one from the opposite end of the closet nearer where she had pulled her selection from.

"Ugh! What am I going to do with you two?" she barked impatiently. "You're both clueless when it comes to female high fashion." I looked to Jasper, who was fighting a grin. That expression brought about a grin of my own and I struggled to suppress it before Alice returned her attention to me. "Why don't you two go work on Jasper's closet. I'll do Rose's."

"Sure, Alice." Jasper agreed, managing a sheepish expression before heading out of the closet. I followed his example and his lead, relief flowing through me as I left the land of ball gowns and designer fashion for the normalcy of the long hallway ahead of me.

Jasper and Alice's room was at the other end of the long hall and as we walked side by side, I felt calm and relaxed, watching the passing pictures with interest and admiring the artwork as I went. The room itself was sparsely decorated. Tastefully done in soothing shades of blue and brown, it was understated, calm, and nothing at all like I would have pictured Alice's room to be.

Taking a few steps into the room, I stopped to take it all in – the simply made bed, the shelves and shelves lined with old books, the black and white photographs of close up natural scenes and of the family. Turning, I looked at Jasper questioningly.

"She redid the whole thing a few months ago. I just came up here one day and it had gone from Princess Barbie to this" he moved his arm in a grand gesture, showcasing the room. "I'm not complaining."

"It's beautiful."

"You're here." He said proudly, motioning me to a picture near him. I stepped toward him to get a closer look. There, with the other family photos, was one of me. I truly was a member of the family to her. For once, I didn't grumble about there being a picture of me. I was touched by the gesture.

"Wow." I turned toward him to find him standing incredibly close, staring intently at me, watching my every move, and no doubt feeling my every emotion. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. I looked down, ashamed, and he stepped back.

"Sorry." He said softly. "I'm drawn to feelings like that… positive ones." He pondered for a moment, his expression almost sad before turning resolute. "Come on. I'll show you the closet." The mood turned businesslike as he began to assemble boxes to fill with clothes, and I was relieved to be in a closet that contained not a single gown.

"Where are Alice's clothes?" I asked curiously, brushing my fingers along the neat rows of men's shirts.

"She has her own closet… or, I should say closets." He chuckled and his smile took my breath away.

"Where do we start?"

"Good question." My eyes roamed the well organized clothes; the racks of hung shirts and pants, the shelves, the drawers. Still lost, I grabbed a dressy sweater that looked like it belonged nowhere near Jasper.

"What about this?" I asked, holding it up for his examination.

"It's new." He said, frowning slightly. "I've never worn it."

"Do you like it?"

"Honestly?" he asked, more unsure of himself than I'd seen him. "I can't stand it."

"So it should go." I said, decidedly, placing it into one of the boxes. He stared at me for a moment, looking guilty. "Jasper, if you don't like it, it should go."

"You're right. It should go."

"Okay, moving on…. What about this?" I held up another shirt that just was not Jasper.

"It's new."

"And?" he looked down for a moment, then up at the shirt, then at my face.

"And… I hate it."

"It goes?"

"It goes." He said, taking it from me and placing it into the box himself.

"See? This is easy." I told him, and the smile on his face held me stunned until he looked away. Excitedly, he grabbed one thing, then another, then another, placing them into the boxes. I watched with a quiet satisfaction as he began to come into his own. Jasper was beautiful. He should be himself. It was about time he did. "Why do you have all these anyway?" I asked, but I knew the answer before he uttered it.

"Alice." The morning passed peacefully as the two of us sorted through the department store that was his closet, and soon I found a treasure trove. In the back corner of the closet, were _real_ clothes! Opening a drawer, I found his massive collection of very cool band tee's.

"Jasper!" I shouted across the small space "Look at all of these!" Stopping his sorting, he walked over to me and knelt down beside me where I sat on the floor.

"They're my band tee's. This is where I keep the stuff I can't wear without Alice getting on my case." He laughed, but there was sadness behind his words. "It's all my favorite stuff." I opened the next drawer and the next to find faded jeans, cool tee's… everything that _should_ be on Jasper.

"Jasper, these clothes are _you_! You should _wear_ them."

"Alice is always trying to get me to get rid of them." He shrugged.

"Don't you dare!" I chided "Wear them. They're what you like." He looked at me for a long time, a sort of thoughtful admiration on his face. "Jasper," I almost whispered "Just be who you are. Who you are… is beautiful."

"Bella" he whispered, his eyes not leaving mine, and he leaned closer to me, his face inches from mine. I sat frozen, wanting him, unable to move. "Bella, I…" as his words trailed off, I began to feel a rush of lust, of love, and such a longing for him that I thought it might crush me under its weight.

"Jasper" I whispered, unable to say more. I leaned closer to him. There was no resisting the strength of these feelings. The fight was over. I would kiss him. I wanted to. I _needed_ to kiss him. He couldn't love me. It was impossible, but I didn't care. I would kiss him and he would know because I had no choice. Our lips moved closer, closer still, and then there was a shrill scream from the other end of the house that nearly broke my eardrums. Jasper and I jerked apart in an instant, both of us jumping to our feet.

I panicked, starting to run from the closet, worried for Alice and at the same time, feeling like an idiot for thinking I could kiss him and relieved that I was saved from my idiocy, but Jasper placed his hand on my arm. "No, no, no… wait." He cocked his head to the side, as if to listen for a moment. "Excitement?" A moment later, Alice rushed into the room.

"Yea!!!" Alice squealed, bounding into the closet practically bouncing off the walls. "Yea! Yea! Yea!!!"

"What has you so excited?" Jasper asked her, smiling as he took on her emotions; he didn't even bother to calm her.

"I _finally_ get to tell you!!!" she screeched. I began to feel she might literally explode if she didn't get whatever it was out soon.

"Tell us what?"

"The thing I've been _dying_ to tell someone since I saw it!"

"Well," I barked impatiently "what is it?" This was the mystery I'd been waiting to unravel for so long… the answer to my future… my life.

"Miss impatient." She huffed, crossing her arms and giving a pout. Instantly, her expression changed again to one of thrilled anticipation as she skipped over to us, taking both of our hands. "You two are in love!"

She was bouncing off the walls, squeezing our hands and shifting her eyes between us expectantly. Jasper and I stood frozen. I didn't look at him, but I could feel that he didn't move beside me. It must have been the oddest sight; Jasper and I standing like statues, a guilty look on my face, who knows what on his, and Alice beaming and bouncing like a fiend.

What did I do now? I couldn't deny it. I couldn't shout it from the rooftops. Surely he didn't love me – not like I loved him – and his wife was standing right in front of us. She didn't seem upset. What did that mean? It had to mean that nothing would come of my obsession with him. Didn't it?

I didn't know what to do, what to say, so I stood frozen. I wanted to run, or to see what was on Jasper's face, but I was afraid to look, so I stood frozen. I wanted to apologize to Alice… to beg her forgiveness and tell her I had tried not to love him, but I stood frozen. Jasper did the same. He didn't move, didn't speak, and I couldn't imagine what he could be thinking.

But wait. Alice had said that we were in love. She hadn't said I was in love with him, but that we were in love with each other. Could that mean… was it possible that Jasper loved me too? My head was swimming and I began to feel dizzy. It was only then I realized I had stopped breathing. I tried to regulate my breaths, though it did nothing to clear my head.

"O-kay… sooooo… anywho… I'm just going to go take the clothes to the shelter. I'll just…. See you two lovebirds later!" Alice backed her way out of the closet and out of the room. Lovebirds?

**Well, it looks like the cat is out of the bag. Bella is stunned. Jasper is stunned. Alice is… happy? This story would have died long ago if not for the PMs that I STILL get every single day begging me to finish it. To all of those who have supported me, thank you so much. And special thanks to JaspersDestiny for recommending me so highly in her blog review. This one's for you… and the ones you sent to me.**


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